Again and Again - I'll Ask You

Plane picture from my last journey to TX.

    Tomorrow I'm flying to Dallas TX for a dear friend's wedding. ^_^  It's still hard to grasp that I'm going...It won't feel quite real until I'm on the plane, haha.

Grace and I have been online friends for years, and this will be the second time I'll have been able to see her face to face. The last time was back in 2012 when I was 17, and I spent a week with her. 

   The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to ask God about the life choices I'm making. He's the Creator of time itself - He knows my life, and so I ask Him about it. Between it being a big financial choice - a plane ticket and a hotel room -  and a couple other reasons, I prayed and asked God to make it very clear if should go. Specifically, I asked God to help me have money over and above my regular paycheck.

      So I prayed about it.

     On December 13th, while sitting in a parking lot, about to go in to get my wheel changed on my car, I said, "Maybe it's best not to go." I remember gripping the steering wheel and looking out at the snow and feeling... torn.

    Those were words to hold back my emotions from simply making a decision. I was weighing options - wondering what was best. I'd been told several times that, "That's a lot of money to spend on a weekend away." And yes, I understand that, - buuut it's my friend's wedding...  And so I warred in my mind, and with others' opinions of my finances. That was the day I decided that without a clear answer, maybe I was supposed to stay home.

     When I got back from the car dealership, my mom - who knew nothing of my prayers - informed me that instead of Christmas presents, my grandparents were sending us money. It was such a direct answer to prayer, I couldn't contain my joy. God? You answered me that clearly?

     But it still wasn't enough to cover what I needed, so I prayed again that night... Because it's good to ask.

      The next day, December 14, I got a message on my FB Clay-Art page, asking if I'd be available to teach clay-figure making at a kids birthday party. *Laughs* It's then that I knew that I knew that I'd be going to the wedding. I was totally able to cover my flight expenses.

      I remember sitting on my bedroom floor, rocking back and forth and laughing and almost crying. Because how else do you explain this, but God's goodness to me? How could I find words for that overwhelming, flooring joy? God had answered me twice, one day after another. And if God had answered me financially, then I trusted that I'd be able to take a three day weekend off from work to travel. He answered that too.

      God isn't some genie in the sky who grants all our wishes. But I believe we'd more readily see His blessings if we prayed more... I wouldn't have seen God's blessings so deeply if I hadn't asked Him to provide for me - perhaps I would have still received the blessing, but I wouldn't have been so floored by His grace. Prayer reminds me to be grateful for His goodness to me. Prayer gives me conversation and connection with my God - a way to hear His voice. Prayer allows me to better see His guiding hand in every facet of life. He is so Good.

    Tomorrow I am flying out on a grand, short little adventure that God blessed me with. Saturday I get to see my friend enter joyfully into marriage. What a beautiful joy.

       Again and again - I'll ask You, God. I'll ask You, and I'll listen. I know You see better than I do.

Edit:

To God be the glory,

~ZA

I Will Not Choose A Poison

 

   I've not spoken much about this election anywhere. I suppose most people are as sick of hearing about Trump and Hillary as I am... But here I am anyways, to give my two cents that maybe a handful of people will view. Oh well. ;)


    I know why a lot of Christians will vote for Trump on Tuesday.

    Because of the  "potential Supreme Court Justice appointments".
    Because people are  "afraid of what having Hillary as a president will do to our religious freedoms".
     Because we should vote for "policies, not the man".
     Because "at least Pence is a good vice president".

    People I love and highly respect will go to the polls and vote for Trump. Close friends. Family members. I don't agree with them - but I believe they are doing what they think is right.

   My opinion?

    I believe that either candidate coming into office will be a judgement from God on our nation.

    As a nation, we have tried to push God away. We have taken Him from schools, from monuments, and worse - from our day to day lives. We have celebrated and delighted in sin with parades and pride. We have killed our own children before they ever take a breath. So many things that were once against the law are now accepted as good.

  How far have we fallen that childish, mean-spirited, judgemental, angry people are lifted up into places of potential leadership?


      .... I don't believe God ever asks us to choose evil.  Both candidates are in rebellion against God.  They slander their neighbor. They have pasts they are NOT repentant of. They are not fit to rule us...


   I will not choose which judgement I'd rather... I'll let God sway hearts and I will pray for mercy for our nation... But I believe either candidate is God's judgement....so why would I choose one?

    Let me tell you something.... When you state reasons why you choose Trump, all I hear is: "I will choose this blatantly rebellious person over this other blatantly rebellious person because I believe they will do more to protect God's kingdom than the other candidate."

    Now let me ask you this: Since when am I supposed to judge which wickedness better serves God's purposes?

    In my conscience, I can not say, "I will choose this evil, and pray to God it was the right choice."

    Choosing the "lesser of two evils" is still choosing evil.

    If the nation chooses a poison, at least I can say I didn't open my mouth to either.


~Ophelia - Marie

**I will vote for Darrell Castle, because at least at the end of the day, I can say I voted for someone who is seeking God. I don't expect him to win - but I won't choose a willfully rebellious person to govern our nation either.

It Must Be You

Yesterday I felt too small.

When it came time for names to be called to go out witnessing, and I found myself praying, "God, please let me stay back and pray. God, please don't send me out."

But my name was called - and I went out, praying, "I don't feel I should go out, but You want me to, so I am." God blessed my team that one young lady about my age became a, "hopeful convert" as she prayed with us to accept Jesus. Only He knows now if she will go on to bear fruit - but we pray her heart was truly changed last night. Ah. God is good.

My head knows, "When I am weak, then He is strong." and my head knows, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  But my heart sometimes fights those words so hard. I find myself saying, "God, I know it is You who does the changing of hearts - but we have people on our team who are stronger evangelists than I am. I feel I am in the way. Please let me stay in."

Ah, but He smiles at me, and reminds me - I am sent anyways, because what my head knows is true - It's not about me being able: It's about Him acting.

What my heart needs to remember is - He uses me, despite me. God has given me a role here too. It may not be my gifting to share the Gospel in this manner, but God still calls me to witness. 

Today, my heart feels lighter, as my focus has been restored. I needed the reminder, "You do you. Don't worry about trying to present the Gospel in just the right way, or like anyone else. You present the Gospel as best as you're able, and let God do the rest."

I will Aspire to have Zeal, as I walk this life with my Lord:

I know He will carry me through.

" 'Cause I'm tongue tied, weak in the knees

Must be something You only see

If there's anything good

Anything that's good in me

Well, it must be You, oh

Must be You

And if there's any part of my shaking heart

To see this journey through

It must be You, oh, it must be You

It must be You, oh, it must be You"

~ZA

Dear 21 Year Old

I'm 21 today - January 5, 2016... this is strange sort of letter I wrote to myself - from the outside, looking in...

 A letter to remind myself.

* * *

      Dear 21 year old... I keep looking at where you are today and smiling. You smile back in your wild sort of way - where your eyes scrunch, you show all your teeth, and you look as if you might start laughing. 20-year-old you - me - has lived her year... Now it's time to walk into a new one.

   Today's not where you dreamed to be - and yet I think you're fairly content with where you are.

      I know where you wanted to be... As a little girl, all you ever wanted to be was a mother someday. You never had another answer - even when the other little girls wanted to train horses, or be a doctor, or design clothes... Always your answer was, "I want to be a mama like mine someday."

      Even when you hid that answer with, "I don't know what I want to be" because some people didn't accept your answer - you still believed deep down that that's what you wanted to be.

        I still see that girl... dear little 21 year old, I see that little girl in you. But she's grown up a lot. She has not given up on that hope, but she no longer feels like she's waiting. She is not waiting for life to begin - she is living life as it comes. She has become a lover of people in different ways that fill her heart. She is content most days - and loud, and joyful - and some may even say a she's a little bit weird... but she's happy with that too. (Haha - Honestly I think she's rather comfortable with the term "weird".)

    She's looking at this next year and seeing the ways she can serve. She's ready to run into this new year... She's not so worried about the future she used to cling to - if she'll ever be married to someone who will be her best friend and leader, or have children to love, or if she'll get to homeschool those little ones. She's not so fearful about the future because she's trying to pray about the present... She's finally realized that God can and does mightily use her outside of her plans... She's finding His plans are more than she imagined - deeper, wider, better - more.

    I saw her the other day laughing... because she was marveling at the enormity of God. I saw her standing in the rain with her hands above her head. I saw her singing at the top of her lungs. I saw her fiercely hugging someone precious to her. I saw her loving the people she has in her life... I saw her feeling more alive than ever, because she's found herself wrapped closer to God.

     She's not perfect... and I've seen her struggle. I've seen her cry. I've seen her whisper, "It's too much. I'm afraid." I've seen her bend under weight she isn't meant to carry, and  I've seen her angry - though she doesn't let most people see it. I've seen her weary and discouraged. I've seen her lose sight of the basic truth - that God loves her immensely more than she can comprehend...

     And then again - I've seen God bring her through each part of that. I've seen God bring friends to tell her God's grace. I've seen God answer her seemingly littlest prayers because He cares; and I've seen Him answer prayers she never thought to hope for. I've seen God teach her about hope again and again. I've seen God send her blessings and hold her when she's cried. I've seen God remind her to run to Him in times of struggle - and given her words to remind others. I've seen God be faithful to her... and I know He'll continue to be.

      I see that little girl grown up... I see you little 21 year old...

      At fourteen years old, you wrote a letter to your 20 year old self, and tied it up with string. These were the last words of the letter:

As you go into this next year, I want you to ponder that question.

Are you living your Christian life to the fullest?

And what does that look like?

      To you - to me - to the person who's reading this right now -

      Don't be afraid to walk into this next year. I know there are uncertainties you don't know how to face but you are standing beside a God who keeps His promises - a God who swears by Himself because He is so great. 

Look at the way He Loves you. 

Pray, believing that He's a loving Father who wants to hear you.

Run with joy next to Him.
Sit in trust at His feet.

Dance in delight on the days He gives you that strength.

 Be a light that others see Jesus reflected in... 

and stop trying to do things in your own strength. 

Willing as a little child, grasp tight again to the nail scarred hands 

of your Father who knows the way. 

He will never let you go, and He wants you to remember 

He is with you - no mater where you are today... 

Dear little child of God - when you're trusting in the Almighty, the best is yet to come. 

~Ophelia - Marie Flowers

A Ramble About Hope

"HOPE: While the cynical souls of the world may see your bright optimism as a youthful naivete, you have come to understand that it is the hope of a better tomorrow that burns within you. You are passionate and idealistic. You understand that there is so much potential surrounding us, and we have only to tap into it in order to achieve great things. When others are burdened by the troubles of every day life, you transcend them and consider the beauty that the future brings. Your bright disposition infects everyone around you, as they too learn how to dream. As long as hope is alive within you, you will always be the very best that you can be!"

As I look at the answer to this silly little Buzzfeed quiz, I feel struck all over again by the word, "Hope".   

And so instead of reading, or playing with clay - or whatever else it is I want to do with this day off - I feel the urge to ramble about Hope... I'll get to the other stuff soon. ;)

 Hope, for me, is so tangled in the word "Trust". I believe there is Hope because God has awakened my heart to trust. I believe there is potential because I believe in a God that is bigger than our mistakes and weakness. I believe that the future is bright in some aspect or another because God is alive and active in this broken world. I believe God cares... That is why I see hope as such a beautiful thing.

Someone said to me the other day, "If we could understand fully, how much He does care, it would change *everything*."

Yes... I believe it truly would... There's not only hope for the future - there is hope now. God is here Now... He cares Now. Right where we are, no matter what we're facing - He cares, He loves, He sees. We have access to speak with Him - to be in His presence. To be in the arms of Hope.

I have been called naive...Perhaps in some ways I am. But I don't think having hope is naive when it's placed in the One who holds my life in His hands... To me, that seems to be the fullest form of good sense.

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand the worlds of others that don't see hope and beauty as starkly as I do. I know sadness, but even in writing, I'm still looking for the completion of hope. I feel the lack of hope at times - the sorrow, the darkness, the loneliness, the overwhelming sense that things in life are wrong and I can't heal them - I've been told I write it well. But I have the blessing of a, "the glass is half full" attitude... most days.

 I was sorting out those thoughts the other night as I talked with someone who thinks quite differently than I do. Who sees the dark spots as bigger than the light ones...  The weight of that feeling made me write.

Hey it's true -

I'm my own worst enemy,
Gathering the shadows no one else can see,
Tying up the knots so I can't get free,

Never really sure where I'm meant to be -
It's a mess I'm making,
But will You stay with me?

'Cause it's a battle in the dark
And I'm the only one here.
Am I alone here?
I can't see You here...
It's a battle in the dark
And nothing is clear.

Nothing is clear...

But I trust You are near...

Please,

Please show me You're near.

    I know the world is dark... I know there are pains greater than I can wrap my mind around - I know there is suffering and tears and bleakness and blackness that seeps down deep to the soul. I know there are nights of sobbing. Of sleeplessness. Of numbness. Of wondering if pushing on is worth it. I know there are days of fake smiles and tired eyes - of going through motions that everyone expects, but there seems no reason to care... I will not gloss over that fact, or say that that is "your choice" or that, "you could feel hopeful if you want to"... I know it's not that simple.... But I want you just take a moment to look at Hope with me. Even if you can't see it today, I'm praying you will in time... God loves you - you - more than you can fathom. He wants you to find hope in Him. You are His Beloved one.

Psalm 33:20-22

We wait in hope for the Lord;
    he is our help and our shield

In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
    even as we put our hope in you.

**

Matthew 6:25-26

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

**

1 John 4:9-10

9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

**

I come broken to be mended, I come wounded to be healed

I come desperate to be rescued, I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned by the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I'm welcomed with open arms,

Praise God, just as I am!!

**

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done.

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean.

A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling.

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.

And You've told me who I am.

I am Yours.

** 

Lord I come, I confess

Bowing here I find my rest

Without You I fall apart

You're the one that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh I need You

Every hour I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more

Where grace is found is where You are

And where You are Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Yes where You are Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh I need You

Every hour I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

**

I've written about hope before. It's one of those topics that tickles in my brain and demands to have voice.

          "Since I have hope in God's promises to me, that should change my outlook on life. Hope is a funny thing - it can drive us to do things we may never well have done otherwise. It may only be a spark, but hope can make all the difference. The difference between taking a chance, and shrinking back. The difference between sickening fear, and quiet trust. The difference between reaching for a dream, or letting it die. The difference between caring for someone, or giving up. The difference between taking time to find joy, or only dwelling on the worst.     
    Mmm... Hope... I write that word on my wrist fairly often...thinking about so many, many things in life. It can be hard to remember at times to look around and have hope. Hope isn't just a feeling though. Hope needs to be grounded in the right place, in the right person. Jesus - our Savior, Redeemer, Creator and Friend. He is always with us. We are safe in His arms. He is the reason I can hope."

I pray you are reminded of Hope today... Of your need for God. Oh how great our God is, and how much He truly loves you. He loves you enough that He died for you. He loves you enough that He LIVES in you.

He loves you that much.

May God bless you and keep you,

~Ophelia - Marie

I Don't Want To Grow Up - Beyond Dreaming

      This is the first post of a blog series based on my poem  "I Don't Want To Grow Up". I don't want to become so "grown up", that I no longer dream, care, play, hope, or wonder anymore. 

I don't want to be so "grown up" that I no longer dream.

I don't want to stop dreaming

Because I care so much what others think

And I must follow them.

      I've been asked many times why I haven't decided to go to college (- Though I did go to community college for about a month to become certified as a nurse aid -) and get a degree in something. People give me funny looks when I say, "I wouldn't want to spend all that money unless I was sure I want to go into a profession, and what really want to do is be a homeschooling mom someday." Some people raise their eyebrows a bit when I tell them what a nurse's aid does, and how I feel I can best be a servant by caring for those who can't care for themselves. Some people wonder why the thought of raising children and homeschooling is so important to me. Not everyone understands, and that is okay.

        I am well aware not all of my dreams are easy, but there is a tug on my heart to do them. One step at a time I am going to seek to be an encouragement to others, and work to the best of my abilities to shine God's love. If that means being different than other nineteen year olds, so be it.  ;)

       I don't want to stop dreaming so I can run with everyone else. People can pick at my sometimes optimistic attitude, but I'm not afraid to stand out. Yes, dreams can change, God can open and close doors, and He doesn't always give us what we think we want, but I'm prayerfully trying to go forth in obedience. 

      Don't believe you can't do something, just because there are setbacks, or people who challenge your thought process. Do listen to reasonable objections, spend a lot of time in prayer and reading the Bible, and seek council from trustworthy people, but don't believe that, "Well almost everyone else does it this way," means that you have to do just the same. 

I don't want to push my dreams into a corner

And strive for level ground

Because that's what some are doing.

       "Just get by,"  - That seems to be the attitude so many people have. "Do what you have to, but no more or you're letting people use you." I wonder - how many opportunities we miss in life because we are too afraid or lazy to do things that are difficult, or don't seem to have easy reward? What if, when we felt God's calling, we answered with, "Here I am, send me!" (Isaiah 6:8) instead of telling God that wasn't what exactly we had in mind. God can send us blessings we didn't even think to dream about when we're willing to go where He wants us. 

     Don't be afraid to do what God impresses on your heart. You're never "too young" , "too old", "too inexperienced", to serve the Lord. You will have seasons of waiting, times of discouragement and questioning, and days that seem more than you can handle, but don't always look for the easy way out. Seek God in prayer and ask for His strength and peace to do the things He wants you to do, and for discernment as you go forward. If God places something on your heart, listen to His guidance. He may have you wait for a long time before He grants you the ability to follow it, but don't settle for less because you feel small. God is so much bigger than we can fathom.

      Dream dreams that will take work, time, and patience - and put your heart into them. We can all chase our small dreams - what about the dreams that take self sacrifice? 

I don't want to leave my goals

To die in the dust

Just because the world won't support them.

        I love to dream. I love crazy, hopeful, silly dreams that sometimes are only sorta based in reality. I love important, life changing, longing dreams that make me feel small, but remind me how much bigger God is. I love dreaming about the things I plan to do, and then  creating and meeting goals to reach them. I love "plotting", planning, and wishing. I love dreams that seem a little crazy, but that I want enough to jump for - like visiting  J. Grace Pennington  for a week in Texas all by myself, though we'd never met face to face before, or taking on the seemingly daunting process of self publishing. I love seeing the outcome of so many of the dreams I've dared to reach for, as precious reminders that God listens.

        People may not understand  - "Why would you fly all the way to Texas to stay with a family you've never really met?" ... "Why would you self publish when you're so young and inexperienced?" ... "Why do you keep hoping for things that may never happen?" - but trying is sometimes half the battle. Yes, dreams don't always work out and plans fall through, but we'll never know if we don't try... and I don't think we'll try often, if we don't first dream... 

I don't want to grow out of dreaming-

High, bright, full of wonder-

The type of dreaming that makes my heart soar,

Wrapped in the knowledge

God is guiding me.

        I think too many dreams die before we even start because we don't put our hope in the One who can do all things. God is with us - why shouldn't we dream? Why shouldn't we continually ask for His blessing as we seek to live for Him? Why do we mentally limit what we think God can do? 

May this be our prayer,

"All of my plans, all of my dreams

 I lay them down before Your feet

All of my time, all that was mine 

I now submit to Your design

'Cause You are the one and only one 

Who dared to give it all away for me."

        He is in control, and though I must give my dreams over to Him time and again, I know they are safest in His hands. I love talking to God in almost childish delight about the things I'm dreaming of and watching Him work. He sometimes tells me 'no', or 'wait', but plenty of times in my short life I've seen how much wiser He is than I am. Even when it's difficult to let go, I want to rest all my dreams in Him. He is the reason I can dream.

Strangely Dim, Francesca Battistelli

This is one of my rings that I wear pretty much all the time.

I don't want to stop dreaming

Because I care so much what others think

And I must follow them.

I don't want to push my dreams into a corner

And strive for level ground

Because that's what some are doing.

I don't want to leave my goals

To die in the dust

Just because the world won't support them.

I don't want to grow out of dreaming-

High, bright, full of wonder-

The type of dreaming that makes my heart soar,

Wrapped in the knowledge

God is guiding me.

Now my question for you is: How will you dream?

~Ophelia - Marie

You Are Fearfully And Wonderfully Made

"I am as my creator made me, and since He is satisfied, so am I."  Minne Smith

"You are special."

 

"You are awesome."

 

"You have certain gifts and talents God gave you to use for His glory."

"There is no one on this planet quite like you."

You've probably heard at least some of this before but how far do you accept it?

After all:

You have struggles. You have fears. You have failed at many things. You have feelings of inadequacy at times. There are millions of people on the planet, and you are just another one. . . .

But guess what? You are human, and we all have struggled with this in one form or another. It's the voice of our enemy, Satan, whispering:

"You'll never match up to the standard."

"You'll never make a difference."

"You're never going to make it."
"You might as well give up."

"You aren't good enough."

 

                                                Listen, God made you.

 

You, reading this right now.

He created you and calls you fearfully and wonderfully made.

He made you just the way you are.

Your quirks, personality, looks, and all the little details that make up you, He planned out.

Dreams, hopes, questions, fears: He knew you'd have them.

Your good days and bad days: they all were written in His book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:14-16

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
 

     We are fallen, and each have areas in our life that we need to work on. By the grace of God, those who believe on Him are being sanctified to be more and more be like Him. If you don't think you have "arrived" in your life, that is a good thing - everyone has something to learn and has struggles they need to work through. . . Yet, don't use that as an excuse to belittle yourself - a specially designed creation of God.    

       We each have something to offer God. Your gifts and talents were given to you to use for His glory, in whatever sphere of influence He has placed you. Some days you may feel you're not in a position where you can make a difference, but listen to me, God can use you. Be open to His prompting, be willing to do whatever He asks, love those who it's hard to even get along with, be a witness in the little ways you treat those around you.

       Read Jeremiah 1:4-10 and Judges 6 - God uses the young and those who feel unqualified. He understands our weakness, but He tells us to go in the strength that He gives us.

       Your gifts are not, not, not worthless or unnecessary. God calls you to use them, bring Him glory through them, and enjoy them.  Don't belittle your gifts EVER. Instead remember that they are all to God's glory, and He has a purpose for giving them to you. Love to do what you are good at, work at becoming better in the areas you can improve, and share what you do with others.

 Since God made you, you are as He planned. True, you have work to do in your life, we all do, but as of right now I'm telling you to remember God never makes mistakes. . . He's got more plans for you than you can imagine, and

He knows how all of this is going to turn out. 

So take a deep breath -

And trust Him.

He won't let you down.


~Ophelia - Marie

 

 

Here are three blog posts that I'd recommend:

 Perspective, By Rachel Coker
 Beautiful?, By Calista Beth.
Dear Low Self-Esteem , By Kaitlyn/Airianna

And, while I've still got you here - these songs are always really encouraging to me:



 

"You're worth it, you can't earn it.
Yeah the Cross has proven
That you're sacred and blameless,
Your life has purpose -

You are more than flesh and bone,
Can't you see you're something beautiful?
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe!
He wants you to see, He wants you to see!
That you're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known.
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you
Are someone worth dying for." -Someone Worth Dying For

 

 

Because I Prayed For A Blessing

     Now, I know I said that this blog wasn't for poetry, but bear with me, this is where I feel this story really begins.

 I Want A Blessing

 8:51 AM 10/18/2010 
 

I really want a blessing, whatever You may choose.

 I'm ready for a blessing, even if I have to loose.

I really want a blessing, whatever it may be.

I'm ready to grow, please put Your hand on me.

I really want a blessing, whatever I must do.

 I want to be better; help me grow in You.

I really want a blessing, whatever it will take.

I want to learn about You, and never to be fake.

I really want a blessing, whatever be the cost.

 I want to be like You, and give love to lost.

I'm not asking for pain or hardship, but still I want to grow.

Whatever it takes to get there, You'll give me grace to go.

    I was fifteen, and this was my prayer to God. My dad had recently said in one of his sermons that God has blessing for us, but often we don't ask Him for them. Not long after I prayed this prayer, my dad brought up the subject of me perhaps working at a camp for the summer.

    Let me tell you, ha, I was scared of the thought of leaving my family for the summer and going to a completely unfamiliar place. I'd never been away from my family for any longer than a week, and the times I had been away it was always with people I knew well. Besides me being nervous though, there wasn't much reason not to apply, so I filled out the paper work... for awhile, mentally, I didn't consider it actually happening. Imagine my surprise when I was asked to come work for the summer...


   By the time I left, I was sixteen and was assigned to work in the kitchen. I learned so much in that first summer at Grace Adventures. (Enough to probably write several blog posts on.) Many times I was forced from my comfort zone and had to step up and do things that I found hard. Those I worked with supported and encouraged me to let others see the real me... to have fun and laugh and, while doing my best, not always take everything I did so seriously. ;)

I went back again in 2012 and grew in other ways... patience was a big one... accepting that things weren't always going to work out the way I wanted them to was another. The ministry of Grace Adventures blessed my life so much... and it all started with the little innocent prayer of, "God, I want a blessing."

    Understand this - if you honestly tell God that you want to do things for Him, you'll be amazed at the doors He opens. Be careful what you pray for.

   In February of this year, as I began to try and figure out what I was going to do for the summer, I asked God for a blessing. I told Him I wanted a way to serve Him and be challenged, and if He'd open doors I would go through them - whether that meant a third summer at camp, or something totally new. A few days later my dad brought home an application to the Board Walk Chapel in New Jersey. (How does my dad end up doing these things - I don't know. o.O)

     Again, like the first time I got an answer to this kind of prayer, I was scared. 'God? You want me to try this?' I already knew the answer; I had prayed and He had responded. There was somewhere between a mix of awe of Him and doubts in myself as I said yes...

     In March I found out my application was accepted, and began raising support and planning for the trip. That was when I had to stop mentally thinking of it as a 'maybe' kind of thing, and throw myself into the fact that this was coming up and would be here fairly soon.

     Perhaps you're a little bit curious about what I'll actually be doing. Here are the goals of the chapel:

    It is the goal of this work to glorify God by proclaiming the Gospel so that people are brought to Christ and added to the church. Specific goals for this year:

• To train 25 people in the work of evangelism
• To distribute 10,000 tracts
• To distribute Bibles and Christian books
• To present the Gospel through personal contact to a least 2,000 people
• To have our home missionaries follow-up meaningful contacts

   So, I'll be learning to evangelize (there will be two weeks of training) and implementing what I learn. A Night On The Boards, is two articles that give a "brief look at what it is like to talk with people on the Wildwood Boardwalk". I will also be trying to find a part time job for during the day.
    
 Tomorrow, I'll be getting on a plane and be off to start this new adventure. I'm still a little bit apprehensive, but I know God is going to do good things through this. I asked Him for a blessing - I can't wait to see the ways He challenges, grows, and teaches me over the next 12 weeks.

~Ophelia - Marie

 

 

(I will be posting on my blog while I'm away since I've stock piled several posts. :) )