Dear 21 Year Old

I'm 21 today - January 5, 2016... this is strange sort of letter I wrote to myself - from the outside, looking in...

 A letter to remind myself.

* * *

      Dear 21 year old... I keep looking at where you are today and smiling. You smile back in your wild sort of way - where your eyes scrunch, you show all your teeth, and you look as if you might start laughing. 20-year-old you - me - has lived her year... Now it's time to walk into a new one.

   Today's not where you dreamed to be - and yet I think you're fairly content with where you are.

      I know where you wanted to be... As a little girl, all you ever wanted to be was a mother someday. You never had another answer - even when the other little girls wanted to train horses, or be a doctor, or design clothes... Always your answer was, "I want to be a mama like mine someday."

      Even when you hid that answer with, "I don't know what I want to be" because some people didn't accept your answer - you still believed deep down that that's what you wanted to be.

        I still see that girl... dear little 21 year old, I see that little girl in you. But she's grown up a lot. She has not given up on that hope, but she no longer feels like she's waiting. She is not waiting for life to begin - she is living life as it comes. She has become a lover of people in different ways that fill her heart. She is content most days - and loud, and joyful - and some may even say a she's a little bit weird... but she's happy with that too. (Haha - Honestly I think she's rather comfortable with the term "weird".)

    She's looking at this next year and seeing the ways she can serve. She's ready to run into this new year... She's not so worried about the future she used to cling to - if she'll ever be married to someone who will be her best friend and leader, or have children to love, or if she'll get to homeschool those little ones. She's not so fearful about the future because she's trying to pray about the present... She's finally realized that God can and does mightily use her outside of her plans... She's finding His plans are more than she imagined - deeper, wider, better - more.

    I saw her the other day laughing... because she was marveling at the enormity of God. I saw her standing in the rain with her hands above her head. I saw her singing at the top of her lungs. I saw her fiercely hugging someone precious to her. I saw her loving the people she has in her life... I saw her feeling more alive than ever, because she's found herself wrapped closer to God.

     She's not perfect... and I've seen her struggle. I've seen her cry. I've seen her whisper, "It's too much. I'm afraid." I've seen her bend under weight she isn't meant to carry, and  I've seen her angry - though she doesn't let most people see it. I've seen her weary and discouraged. I've seen her lose sight of the basic truth - that God loves her immensely more than she can comprehend...

     And then again - I've seen God bring her through each part of that. I've seen God bring friends to tell her God's grace. I've seen God answer her seemingly littlest prayers because He cares; and I've seen Him answer prayers she never thought to hope for. I've seen God teach her about hope again and again. I've seen God send her blessings and hold her when she's cried. I've seen God remind her to run to Him in times of struggle - and given her words to remind others. I've seen God be faithful to her... and I know He'll continue to be.

      I see that little girl grown up... I see you little 21 year old...

      At fourteen years old, you wrote a letter to your 20 year old self, and tied it up with string. These were the last words of the letter:

As you go into this next year, I want you to ponder that question.

Are you living your Christian life to the fullest?

And what does that look like?

      To you - to me - to the person who's reading this right now -

      Don't be afraid to walk into this next year. I know there are uncertainties you don't know how to face but you are standing beside a God who keeps His promises - a God who swears by Himself because He is so great. 

Look at the way He Loves you. 

Pray, believing that He's a loving Father who wants to hear you.

Run with joy next to Him.
Sit in trust at His feet.

Dance in delight on the days He gives you that strength.

 Be a light that others see Jesus reflected in... 

and stop trying to do things in your own strength. 

Willing as a little child, grasp tight again to the nail scarred hands 

of your Father who knows the way. 

He will never let you go, and He wants you to remember 

He is with you - no mater where you are today... 

Dear little child of God - when you're trusting in the Almighty, the best is yet to come. 

~Ophelia - Marie Flowers

Seeing Beauty In The World Like A Child

Picture From Flickr

        On her post, 'People Who Wonder' J. Grace Pennington says, "To a five-year-old, everything is magic. There’s so much that’s unexplained and unexplainable, there’s so much to discover, and learn, and everything is so new. "

Ah, yes. Exactly.

     Children think so many things are beautiful, just for the fact that they see beauty in them. They look at the things that most 'grown ups' would say don't have much value, or are a bother, and they enjoy them. They make odd crafts and pick fist fulls of weeds and expect everyone to hold them up with as much delight as they do. To a child, the monetary value of a thing isn't important. They value things for what they see in them, not for what everyone says.

An odd shaped rock picked up on a walk is something to be treasured, not left where it is.

The (often scraggly) feathers found lying on the ground should be tucked into the hair, or used to make a craft, not thrown away as "germy".

Every yellow dandelion should be picked and put in a vase, and every missed flower that turns into a puffball should be blown and wished upon, or gathered to throw about the yard as 'snow', - never uprooted and killed.

Oil rainbows in the parking lot should be admired, not hurried away from.

Mud is something to make "food" out of, or round balls, or to mark one's face as an Indian, not to be avoided at all costs.

   Eventually though, children grow older, and most of them lose that wonder and curiosity. It's sad, really, that that is a part of us we often lose... Those examples above were me, once upon a time. I can still remember the times I saw almost everything as beautiful, fun and exciting... when I collected rocks from the yard, picked dandelions and goldenrod to put in vases, and planted any stray plants into containers to care for. (I don't think I'll ever forget when I was about six and I asked a neighbor if he knew what kind of plants I had and he told me they were just weeds...) Yes, by most standards those things weren't as valuable as I thought, but I took joy in them.

Matthew 18:2-4

² He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. ³ And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴ Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

     Oh, to see the world with childlike faith and wonder. I'm not talking about being naive. I'm talking about appreciating that what God has made is beautiful, and trusting that because my heavenly Father says something, it must be true... to not worry so much about the future: to think of it, plan for it, but never worry because 'the One in the front seat of the car is doing the driving'... I want to live in delight of the world around me that God has created, and never stop marveling at simple things.

  As Mirriam Neal says so well, "I don’t want to outgrow beauty or fun or the fantastic, I don’t want to stop liking things so much that I can’t help but talk about them even if the other party thinks it’s silly. I don’t think our God is an uncreative, unimaginative, un-fun-loving God – why should I try to be something He isn’t? "

   I want to be someone to enjoys the little things in life... who takes the time to marvel at the rain, or the sunrise, just as if it's the first time I've seen them. I pray I never grow up so much that I don't take joy in the beauty of the world around me.

~Ophelia - Marie

 Indescribable - Chris Tomlin

My Friends Aren't Mine

   I've been eighteen since January fifth and since that time I've decided on what I think is one of the biggest downfalls of growing up:

   The changing of friendships.

   My friends are busier now and trying to schedule time to see each other is a task in and of itself. One of my friends is going off to a mission school for a year in another state, a few others are starting to talk about college, and another friend had to go away for a month unexpectedly. There have been a few times when I cried selfish tears of 'but what about me?' , with ungrounded thoughts of them forgetting me, or never seeing me. Sure, I am so proud of them as I see their love for God, and their passion to follow after where they feel Him leading, but the fearful side of me still plays on my doubts. Let's face it - I didn't want things to change.

   God challenged my thinking with a continuous thought that wouldn't go away.

   'They aren't yours, Ophelia.' He seemed to be saying. 'They are Mine'.

   'But You gave them to me!' I protested, playing over and over the memories we had created together. Our laughing. . . inside jokes. . . questions we had. . . times we prayed for each other with tears. . . how we said we'd always be close. . . Quieter now, 'You gave them to me. . '

   'And now I have other plans for them.'

   After a time filled with prayer (and I admit, some more crying) it finally began to set in. They are God's -not mine. When He placed them in my life, He knew just how they'd effect me, cause me to grow, and fill my heart with joy and sometimes pain. He is right now directing us to where we need to be in our young lives and I've gotta face the fact that my friendships with each of these special people is going to look different.

    And that's okay.

   Change isn't always bad. It's just. . . different. That difference doesn't mean loss of my friendships, it means stepping back a bit as God leads each of us. Yeah, I know I'll miss them, but hey, Love isn't selfish. Since I love them, I'm going to pray for God's best for them - even if it means He moves some of them far away. I'm excited to watch what God is going to do in the coming months and years. I trust Him. My friends aren't mine - they belong to Him, and He loves them so much more than I do.

~Ophelia - Marie