Just before I turned 16, I joined a Christian online writers' forum. There, I ended up meeting some of my closest friends. Some of them I've been able to meet face to face - some of them only through Skype or phone calls - and others only through type-chatting... And they've become to mean the world to me.
(From the wedding I went to this November - 2 online friends getting married to each other -
and a couple days spent with laughter with them... )
They are truly there for me - some people may say online friendships can't be true ones - but I've lived enough years with them to know that's not true. They've helped me with projects, and writing - and allowed me to do the same in turn for them.They make me laugh - until I can't breathe, and I'm squeaking, and our teasing is rampant. And they've made me cry - cry for their hurts and sorrows - and they've cried with me; listening when I just need to talk. They are there when I need prayer - big or small, life-shattering, or little worries - they pray for me.They share in my life - some have been there since the beginning - some are newer - and some have faded in time... They've been friendships that have changed my life.
Ya know what some of them did for me as a Christmas gift? They took my friendship poetry book, and recorded themselves reading different poems. I've been crying - and laughing - and crying some more. There's more love than I'm able to fully process...
Almost every week a few of us get together on Skype - sometimes for upwards of four or five hours - and it's something I always look forward to. We are W.E.I.R.D - Weirdos Encouraging and Inspiring Real Dialog.
Certain online friendships - you get to the point where you can just enjoy each other's company on Skype without needing to always be saying things. When ya can go into listening to music together, and sending links to things back and forth, and just hanging out - drifting between laughing and talking, and then mostly quiet.
We do that with my WEIRD group sometimes - when people ask, "How do you talk for that many hours?" Sometimes we don't. Sometimes people go about doing their own thing - and we are simply together. We make food, and do chores, and fold laundry, make crafts, and throw links at each other - and yes - we do talk too. We laugh, and are strange, and update each-other on our week, and talk about projects and ideas, and stuff...
There's a certain comfortableness in friendship where you can simply hang out and do life - even when you're far, far away.
Last night - this is the one that especially made me cry hard. Like, start shaking a little... It's the overwhelming of memories, and love, and the continued realization of all that went into recording 73 poems...
l'm still listening to poetry today - poems of friendship, in a project put together by my friends... I needed to express the joy I'm feeling, and how loved I feel this morning - again - so I've wandered to my blog. ;)
It's easy to take love for granted, until you begin to love those who don't feel loved at all.
Mmm... So many of my residents don't take love for granted - even the smallest gestures can change their whole attitude... To me, one of the saddest things I heard a resident say after I hugged her was, "Thank you; that means so much...." She paused, and said kinda sadly, "You know, nobody hugs you when you get old." ... Those words hurt.
Many of my people are lonely. They don't get hugs often at all, or get told, "I love you." or told, "I'm happy to see you today." They are away from their families, and miss a lot of the freedoms they used to have. Some of them can't speak anymore, or even get out of bed by themselves. Many of them have lost spouses, siblings, friends. Many of them have aches and pains... And they are just like you and me. They need to know that they are loved.
A resident asked me a few days ago, "How did you get to be so loving?"
I laughed and said, "I don't know, it just happened!" Then I stopped and said, "I have Jesus in my heart. He helps a lot."
She said, "That's right honey. Jesus died for our sins."
And for that moment... we were simply two Christians thinking about Jesus.
There are elderly Christians in my building. They need to be reminded that they have purpose. They still delight God. They are still able to pray. God still hears them and loves them... You can see it in the lives of those who love God - their peace and strength in Him - but like any Christian, they need encouragement.
God's love is the impression I want to leave. Gosh it can be hard - some days, honestly, I do what I do, and forget to try and be love - I go through the motions - doing my work, and my best, but not beyond that. Some days, I am tired and there are some residents who are mean - sharp worded, and never happy with what we do.... But I am still called to love - no matter the person, no matter my feelings. (I'm still working on loving certain people. There are some who are... hard to love... but I suppose they need it the most, don't they? Mmm.). Those who love me are reminders to me to focus on the positive, and to find joy in what I do because I can be there to serve and love.
You know what? Loving isn't easy...Sometimes I don't have a spirit of love and patience... And sometimes - love hurts.
Towards the end of my shift tonight, I was thinking about the last 9 months of this job. My mind flitted to the aspect of death... (Not that anyone died today, but it's just on my mind.) It always feels wrong - even when I know it is coming. It always is just a bit surprising in a way... It's because we weren't made to die and in the depths of us, we feel the wrongness of it all.
I've watched families grieve, both while their family member is fading, and after they've died. I've watched people in the process of dying. I've crouched beside a bed, and prayed a welcome into Heaven for a woman who had just gone to be with Jesus - oh, I could imagine her joy... I've gone away for some time off, and had a Christian resident I loved very much suddenly pass away while I was gone... Loving people who aren't going to be around much longer...that can hurt... Somehow though, it's not as mind-numbing as I thought it'd be... It reminds me to cherish the life I have, and love fully while I have the chance.
In the beginning, I didn't know how I'd handle this job, emotionally. There are difficult aspects to it - usually I just talk about the joyful parts. But I feel I've found where God wants me, and He keeps teaching me... growing me... Giving me strength and love I didn't know I had. Ha - so much more patience than I ever dreamed I could muster... I can't do it without Him. You can tell me I do well - and yes, I do try - but all my trying wouldn't do that much without God with me. He is the reason I am who I am. I'm not doing anything special. I'm just bumbling through life, trying to follow Jesus... He tells us to love one another deeply from the heart.
God is love... How are we showing His love to others? Do you ever consider - how are you showing love to the elderly, the shut-ins, the widows?
To anyone who has an elderly family member in a nursing home - please, go visit them if you can. Love them. I know it can be hard - perhaps they don't remember you, perhaps they cry when you leave, perhaps they ask why they can't go home with you, perhaps they don't respond anymore... But please, please - show them you care. They are still people who need your love.
And to anyone reading this - if you ever go visit a nursing home, please, show love to those around you. They need it - we all need that love. We need to reflect the light of Jesus...There is always hope.
I went to a Retreat at a nearby church this weekend, and during Sunday School, the Pastor talked about lust. This is based off of that talk, using notes I took.
When does lust often hit us the hardest? Whether we admit it or not, we all struggle in this area to one degree or another. Some things make it harder...
Lust often becomes a problem when I am:
Lonely
Unsatisfied
Selfish
Tired
Lust
often becomes a problem when I am:
Lonely.
Lonely doesn't necessarily mean "alone", though that can often be a problem for people as well. Lonely comes from feeling disconnected - feeling like you don't belong. No one cares. No one will care what I'm feeling, or looking at, or doing - this makes me feel less lonely, to do this. Maybe I can stop feeling alone.
Ah, friend. Those are lies from the devil, Satan. He wants you to feel lonely. He wants you to look in, instead of look out. He wants you to sin, and then he'll tell you - "You are right to feel lonely. Look what you did! No one really cares. If you told them, you would feel even more alone. They will judge you, and leave you. You've really messed up now." ..... And then the cycle repeats - you sin when you're in this lonely state, and then you feel more lonely because you're afraid to reach out.
What can you do when lust hits you because you are lonely?
1) Talk to God. He is your dearest friend. He loves you, and says, 'Never will I leave you, and never will I forsake you.' He says, 'I will uphold you. I will strengthen you and give you peace.' He says, 'I have loved you with an everlasting love. No one can take you from my Father's hand.' He says, 'As far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your sins from my sight.' ... So go to Him with your loneliness, and ask Him for His peace.
2) Find someone to be accountable to. Get connected. We are not meant to walk this road of life alone. We need each other to pray, encourage each other in faith, and find ways to be involved.
I have found in my own life that it's much harder to want to sin, when I know a friend is going to ask me how I've been doing in this specific area. Don't think you're the only one who struggles. Find someone who cares about how your spiritual walk with God is going, and ask them to keep you accountable. Check up with each other on a regular basis to pray, and see how you can be a blessing to one another.
Lust often becomes a problem when I am:
Unsatisfied.
Being satisfied can be hard. In a world that says, 'You can have it all!' it can often be difficult to respond with, 'No. This will bring me harm.'
Unsatisfaction that leads to lust can come in many different forms... Maybe you're unsatisfied with your physical appearance. Maybe you're unsatisfied with your relationship status right now. Maybe you're unsatisfied with a partner you do have. Maybe you're unsatisfied with your accomplishments. Maybe... well, maybe you're unsatisfied with life in general.
What is one way you can battle being unsatisfied?
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4 - Great, great Psalm.)
Delight yourself in God. Find your joy, your life, your strength, in His goodness. When we truly find delight in God, our own desires grow more and more to look like His. He wants us to be satisfied in Him. He wants us to open up our clenched hands that cling to the scraps of this broken world, so that He can fill them with blessings. He wants us to look to Him and say, "In You, I have found my satisfaction."
Don't keep chasing satisfaction in anything else. It's not too late to turn back and run to God. He can fulfill your heart's desires, and give you satisfaction in Him.
Lust often becomes a problem when I am:
Selfish.
Lust doesn't care about the other person. Lust asks the question, 'What can I get out of this?' It never worries about the other person, or thinks about their well being. We aren't looking for the best of others when we lust - and I'm talking about people on the computer screen as well as people you interact with. Lust sees only itself.
How can we combat the feelings of selfishness? One way we can do that is to serve. Stop whatever it is you are doing - thoughts and actions - and search for someone to serve. "But what if it's late at night, or no one is around?" Then maybe go sit down and write someone a letter. Go whip out your calendar and look at dates you could go help out at a church function. Go sit down and pray for those in your life... It's hard to keep focusing on your emotions and desires when you are looking for ways to be a blessing.
Whatever it is you're in the midst of struggling with - Go. Don't stay in the moment where you are - move. Go to another room. Go to another location. Flee the temptation, and run to God. He will stand beside you. That doesn't mean you won't be tempted, or that you'll never fail again, but it is harder to wrap yourself in selfishness when you're looking to give to others, and looking up to God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;4 that each of you should learn to control your own bodyin a way that is holy and honorable,5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.
Lust often becomes a problem when I am:
Tired.
Tired can be because we are not getting enough sleep, or it can be Tired in the sense of being emotionally weary - either way, Satan can use our being tired against us.
I don't know about you, but I have trouble thinking straight at times, when I am tired. My thoughts wander all over the map in a span of mere seconds. Things that I'd normally be able to combat with Truth, seem to run circles in my head. I don't always process my emotions rationally.
We can tell ourselves, "I'm too tired to keep trying. I'm too weary. It'll make me feel better." Or even on a subconscious level - "I want this."... It's sin, and as much as we wrestle with it, and against it, there is a broken part of our will that finds it attractive... And yet, the more and more we find our comfort, our delight, our blessing, and our rest in God, the more sin will look as it truly is - destructive.
An obvious way to combat sleepy-tired is to get sleep... For some of us, that's easier said than done though. Still, I would encourage you to take care of your physical body. Take a nap if you have to. Aim to go to bed half an hour or so early. Go to bed on time when you can. Sleep is important.
It's harder to deal with weary-emotionally-tired... Besides prayer, some things that help me are reading through the Psalms, listening to encouraging music, praying/talking with a close friend, or writing about whatever is causing me to feel weary.
Jesus says in Matthew 11:28 & 29, 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Go to God. Go to Him with your feelings of loneliness. Go to Him with your feelings of unsatisfaction. Go to Him with your selfishness. Go to Him with your tired body and heart.
God is our comfort. He is our delight. He is our encouragement to serve. He is our true rest. He can help us battle lust, and He has given us victory over sin, death, and the devil, through His Son, Jesus Christ.
If you need a little encouragement of who you are in Christ, and how loved you are by Him, here's a compilation of Bible verses, and lyrics from two songs that have recently blessed me... :)
Stop and listen to these first:
Oh - these two songs have been jumbled together in my head since yesterday...
The Truth of them made my heart joyful.
God loves me... He does.
When I'm in the desert -
Or when I'm full of wild delight in His presence -
Or when I fall for the thousandth time -
Or when He shows me again the Hope I have in Him -
He loves me.
He does.
All of the time.
And not only does he LOVE me,
He is my Victory,
My Strength,
And my Savior...
Isn't that amazing?
"What's that on the ground?
It's what's left of my heart Somebody named Jesus broke it to pieces And planted the shards - And they're coming up green, And they're coming in bloom I can hardly believe this is all coming true"
~Just As I Am - Andrew Peterson
24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.25 Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
John 12:24-25
To truly live, I must die... And in that death, God will create beauty.
"And this is my prayer in the fire In weakness or trial or pain There is a faith proved Of more worth than gold So refine me, Lord, through the flame"
~The Desert Song - Hillsong United
6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials,7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory,9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
"This is my prayer in the desert When all that's within me feels dry This is my prayer in my hunger and need My God is the God who provides"
~The Desert Song - Hillsong United
10 I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.
Psalm 81:10
Open your hands, child... God will fill them...
Don't be afraid to ask.
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Matthew 6:25-26
He does provide.
27 These all look to you, to give them their food in due season. 28 When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are filled with good things.
"And this is my prayer in the battle When triumph is still on its way I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ So firm on His promise I'll stand"
~The Desert Song - Hillsong United
15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
These thistles and vines ensnare and entwine What flowers appeared It's the fear that I'll fall one too many times
It's the fear that His love is no better than mine
(but He tells me that):
Just as I am, and just as I was
Just as I will be - He loves me, He does He showed me the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh He loves me, He does
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does"
~Just As I Am - Andrew Peterson
For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Isaiah 54:10
7 How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. 8 They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. 9 For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.
Psalm 36:7-9
9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
1 John 4:9-10
His love is so much better than mine... So BIG... His love is immense. *Grins* His love is Awesome...
He gives that love to us.
"And I will bring praise I will bring praise No weapon formed against me shall remain I will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and He is here"
~The Desert Song - Hillsong United
“Where,
O death, is your victory?
Where,
O death, is your sting?”
56 The
sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But
thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus
Christ.
58 Therefore,
my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you.
Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because
you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:55-58
"All of my life In every season You are still God I have a reason to sing I have a reason to worship" ~The Desert Song - Hillsong United
1 Oh sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth! 2 Sing to the Lord, bless his name; tell of his salvation from day to day. 3 Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples!
Psalm 96:1-3
33 I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being. 34 May my meditation be pleasing to him, for I rejoice in the Lord.
what little that grew This man they call Jesus, who planted the seeds
Has come for the fruit And the best that I've got isn't nearly enough - He's glad for the crop, but it's me that He loves"
~Just As I Am - Andrew Peterson
The best that I've got isn't all that He wants... He wants me.
He loves me, not for what I do - the "crops" of good that I bring - He loves me because He made me His.
"This is my prayer in the harvest When favor and providence flow I know I'm filled to be emptied again The seed I've received I will sow"
~The Desert Song - Hillsong United
When I'm overflowing with joy and growth, He means me to pour it out again...
I know I'm filled to be emptied again... the seed I've received, I will sow.
