I Don't Want To Grow Up - Beyond Playing

            This is the third  post in my 'I Don't Want To Grow Up' series. The other posts are entitled, 'I Don't Want To Grow Up - Beyond Dreaming', and 'I Don't Want To Grow Up - Beyond Caring'.

I don't want to be so "grown up" that I no longer play.

I don't want to stop playing

Because there are better things to do

And they must come first.

               That's not to say I don't want to take responsibility for what's important - quite the contrary. What I mean by that is I want to remember to take time to enjoy little things. I want to take the time to "stop and smell the roses", even if I've got "the garden to weed". 

              It's easy to become so busy and forget to slow down and just play for a little while. This life is fast paced and full of stuff that call for our attention. People seem to always be saying, "I don't have time for that!" I don't want to ever become so exhaustively busy that I don't have time to play, or enjoy life. I know I'll get busier as I get older but hey, I don't think that has to mean I'll stop having fun.

I don't want to despise twirling in the thunder storm

And stop marveling

In the beauty of the lightening that flashes across the sky.

          I wish I would still play like this little girl  and be enthralled by something as simple as rain. Though I don't show as much delight as she does, I do enjoy it even now - the sound it makes as it pours from the sky and strikes the ground, the smell of it in the spring air, the wonderfully cool feel of it on a warm summer afternoon, and the way everything green perks up after a hard rain.

          I remember one night at camp as I was heading back to the girls' trailer, it started pouring. We'd been having a long dry spell, but suddenly it began to rain. Thunder rumbled deep and loud, and I stood there and started laughing. It was pretty dark and ha, like usual I'd forgotten to bring my flashlight, but that only made the lightening seem all the more magnificent as it lit up the sky in response to the thunder. *Grins* I love this memory because I remember how happy I felt in that moment, in the dark, in the rain, marveling at the fact that God had created and sent forth that display. When I got back to the trailer I remember coming through the door and saying to the girls sitting on the couch, "It's raining!" and feeling so... delighted by what I'd seen.

(Yes, I know ya shouldn't stay outside when there's lots of lightening, and I didn't stay out long, for your information. ;) I stayed out long enough to be fairly wet though. ^_^) 

Me covered in fluffies. ;)

       I don't want to lose that joy over simple things, and the ability to be 'easily amused' at random fun. Things like rain, wildflowers, the ocean, early morning sunrises... Things like skipping around (often arm in arm) with friends, or making up silly back stories for Skype's emoticons, or helping out with a spur of the moment scavenger hunt for someone's birthday, or having a 'war' with fluff for the sheer fun of it. ;) Just... having fun for the sake of having fun, even if it might be considered a little odd, or too commonplace to be taking so much enjoyment out of it.

        Ha, I don't even know if I'm explaining this so that others will understand. *Motions with hands* Play. Do you know what it's like to play? To goof around, tease, and laugh until ya can hardly breathe? Or make up songs and games that are built of pure inspiration (or sugar... I think sugar late at night helps... ;) ) and often verging into goofy-insanity? Or looking wide-eyed at the sun- rise (that is different and yet as wonderful as the previous morning's) and again well up with awe? Or looking  at the clouds to find the pictures built in your imagination and the wind? Or running through the waves of the ocean and feeling the wild tug to go deep enough to be knocked over and plunge into the strong surging tide? Ya know what I'm talking about? Mmm, silly joy - That. That is what I don't think we should lose, as we grow up - the ability to find that kind of pleasure and joy in the good things God gives us. 

I don't want to grow out of laughing-

Genuinely, fully, without thought of those around -

The type of laughing that others don't have to understand

But secretly wish they weren't afraid

To share in too.

           
              Being self-conscious can take away a lot of the fun out of playing. I know, 'cause I don't always join in, even when they look fun, and I'm learning to try new things even when I'm not all that sure of myself. I don't want to "grow up" and act like laughing with all I am is no longer permissible. ;) Yeah, okay, maybe with the right people I become a crazy hyper thing, but let me tell ya, you'll know for sure I'm having fun when you see that side of me. ^^_^^

            Ya know, God made us to enjoy companionship and with the ability to have fun. It struck me again just now that God takes delight in things. He delights in giving us what is good, and wants us to appreciate what He gives. He sends the rain, the snow, the sun rises and rainbows. He puts others in our lives for a reason. He gave us the ability to create things and share experiences. He is a God that sends blessings - we should take delight in them. We should take time to play.

            *Grins* I want to remain playful - laughing, teasing, playing, encouraging - going through life trying to be uplifting to those around me. Sure, there will be hard days, long days, and times when I don't feel like playing, but I want to have an attitude that still looks for joy in the midst of it all, with God's strength. He is the reason I can play.

Original Picture By Theodora Ashcraft

I don't want to stop playing

Because there are better things to do

And they must come first.

I don't want to despise twirling in the thunder storm

And stop marveling

In the beauty of the lightening that flashes across the sky.

I don't want to grow out of laughing-

Genuinely, fully, without thought of those around-

The type of laughing that others don't have to understand

But secretly wish they weren't afraid

To share in too.

Now my question for you is: How will you seek to take time to play?

~Ophelia - Marie

Fitting In - A Ramble...

       

    This is one of my 'not totally thought out' type of posts. ;) But all these thoughts are bopping in my head, so here I go.

     Do you ever get the feeling that you're meant to fit in, but you're not totally sure where? Do you know what it feels like when you go away from somewhere, and when you come back enough has changed that you're not sure where you belong exactly? ... Even if that feeling is kinda absurd overkill? And... you know it?

    I went to Grace Adventures Camp this weekend to volunteer in the kitchen and hang out with people. I've worked at Grace Adventures in the past (Summers 2011 and 2012, four months each time) and it was an important blessing in my life as I was growing up. When telling about life changing events in my life, Camp inevitably comes up. There I learned a lot of confidence, job experience, and how to be a better leader. I've been away for over a year, but not much time can ever pass without me thinking fondly of Camp.

      Going back was an odd feeling - I know several people on staff, but there were many more unknown people than there were known ones. Some things were the same as they'd always been, and still other things had changed - several of the people I knew, teased and saw every day have moved to other states and are no longer around... I know how to serve and help out, and yet I had to watch again to try and be in sync with the new kitchen team.

      Over this weekend I was again reminded of a few attitudes that I have to strive against. One in particular... the "I don't fit in, and I don't know how to try" attitude. I did "fit in" and yet I had to fight the voice inside that kept telling me I didn't. 'Not any more.'

         I'm a person who longs to know my place. (Who doesn't?) Seriously, there's a part of me that says I'm not wanted when I enter a new group... when I'm not sure where I connect. I don't want to feel like I'm invading. And that's truly at times what I feel I am - an outside invader, trying to fit where I used to, but no longer have the right connections. I'm on the outside of the inside jokes - I'm the tagger-along in an all ready close group - I'm the random extra person. It's looking in, and knowing where I should fit -where I want to fit - , and exactly what I wish to accomplish, and fighting that little voice in my head that says... This is unfamiliar. You're not certain what you're doing. These people don't want you around. You should stop breaking into the conversation and be quiet and let them be with their friends. You shouldn't invite yourself to go along. You should stick with the people you know, and if they're not around, then go wait and don't bother anyone else.

      Annoying little voice. I don't know why I never seem to shake it.

      Oh, you probably wouldn't know it looking at me, that it's dancing in my head. You wouldn't know that I feel kinda awkward asking to come hang out with you, when we just met. You wouldn't probably have guessed that there was a time in the last few days when I felt I was talking to much and told myself I wouldn't speak up again until I was addressed (ha, that took like, maybe a minute before I was being asked questions again and chattered to.) . You wouldn't know, that  several times right before I get lost in the freedom of teasing and goofiness and sarcasm, I'm wondering if I'm being a pest. Why don't you know?

    Because I've learned to disregard it, usually. I've learned to try and outright go against it. I've learned to step out of my comfort zone. I've learned that my feelings are often not rational reflections of reality. I've learned that if I want to be with people, I should let it be known, not expect others to read my mind. I've learned to seize the moment and take joy at being with other believers.

    Life is much too short to wait around for opportunities to come to me. I can either wait on the sidelines, or I can jump in feet first. I can either be quiet until I'm comfortable, or I can let me be myself. Yeah, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I feel awkward.  But it's usually so worth it.

      This weekend was worth it.

      I spent so much time laughing and teasing. I went to the sand dunes and watched the fire works while listening to silly commentary of the other staff. I went along to the drive thru of McDonalds so I could talk to staff on the drive there, and then went on a "Kitchen Raid" back at camp at about midnight when the line for the McDonalds was too long. I went to Country Dairy and had ice cream, got licked by a cow, and got to spend time with some great people. I went to a camp fire out in the woods, sang songs, shared  a poem and discussed poetry/writing, talked about books, and got startled when someone jumped out of the dark woods while we were walking back with flashlights. I hung out in the staff lounge, joined conversations, exchanged writing with someone, and left a copy of a poem I wrote on the table for others to read.

     I know this weekend was good by especially how much it stung my heart to leave. Given time, I think I would've wanted to keep several of those people as new friends, (I'm not sure how well I'll be able to keep up with them now.) and while time was short, it was a joyful and enjoyable time. I had fun, made connections with people, and walked away feeling blessed.

     So to anyone who ever feels like me... Take a chance, strive to make connections and have fun, and... don't be afraid to be silly. ;) You may very well find that you had a much more encouraging time than you anticipated if you simply try.

    And to everyone on staff who hung out with me, thank you. Y'all were very welcoming, and I loved getting to know you, and appreciated that you took the time to ask questions and get to know me a bit better. I pray God blesses the rest of your time of ministry.

~Ophelia - Marie

Because I Prayed For A Blessing

     Now, I know I said that this blog wasn't for poetry, but bear with me, this is where I feel this story really begins.

 I Want A Blessing

 8:51 AM 10/18/2010 
 

I really want a blessing, whatever You may choose.

 I'm ready for a blessing, even if I have to loose.

I really want a blessing, whatever it may be.

I'm ready to grow, please put Your hand on me.

I really want a blessing, whatever I must do.

 I want to be better; help me grow in You.

I really want a blessing, whatever it will take.

I want to learn about You, and never to be fake.

I really want a blessing, whatever be the cost.

 I want to be like You, and give love to lost.

I'm not asking for pain or hardship, but still I want to grow.

Whatever it takes to get there, You'll give me grace to go.

    I was fifteen, and this was my prayer to God. My dad had recently said in one of his sermons that God has blessing for us, but often we don't ask Him for them. Not long after I prayed this prayer, my dad brought up the subject of me perhaps working at a camp for the summer.

    Let me tell you, ha, I was scared of the thought of leaving my family for the summer and going to a completely unfamiliar place. I'd never been away from my family for any longer than a week, and the times I had been away it was always with people I knew well. Besides me being nervous though, there wasn't much reason not to apply, so I filled out the paper work... for awhile, mentally, I didn't consider it actually happening. Imagine my surprise when I was asked to come work for the summer...


   By the time I left, I was sixteen and was assigned to work in the kitchen. I learned so much in that first summer at Grace Adventures. (Enough to probably write several blog posts on.) Many times I was forced from my comfort zone and had to step up and do things that I found hard. Those I worked with supported and encouraged me to let others see the real me... to have fun and laugh and, while doing my best, not always take everything I did so seriously. ;)

I went back again in 2012 and grew in other ways... patience was a big one... accepting that things weren't always going to work out the way I wanted them to was another. The ministry of Grace Adventures blessed my life so much... and it all started with the little innocent prayer of, "God, I want a blessing."

    Understand this - if you honestly tell God that you want to do things for Him, you'll be amazed at the doors He opens. Be careful what you pray for.

   In February of this year, as I began to try and figure out what I was going to do for the summer, I asked God for a blessing. I told Him I wanted a way to serve Him and be challenged, and if He'd open doors I would go through them - whether that meant a third summer at camp, or something totally new. A few days later my dad brought home an application to the Board Walk Chapel in New Jersey. (How does my dad end up doing these things - I don't know. o.O)

     Again, like the first time I got an answer to this kind of prayer, I was scared. 'God? You want me to try this?' I already knew the answer; I had prayed and He had responded. There was somewhere between a mix of awe of Him and doubts in myself as I said yes...

     In March I found out my application was accepted, and began raising support and planning for the trip. That was when I had to stop mentally thinking of it as a 'maybe' kind of thing, and throw myself into the fact that this was coming up and would be here fairly soon.

     Perhaps you're a little bit curious about what I'll actually be doing. Here are the goals of the chapel:

    It is the goal of this work to glorify God by proclaiming the Gospel so that people are brought to Christ and added to the church. Specific goals for this year:

• To train 25 people in the work of evangelism
• To distribute 10,000 tracts
• To distribute Bibles and Christian books
• To present the Gospel through personal contact to a least 2,000 people
• To have our home missionaries follow-up meaningful contacts

   So, I'll be learning to evangelize (there will be two weeks of training) and implementing what I learn. A Night On The Boards, is two articles that give a "brief look at what it is like to talk with people on the Wildwood Boardwalk". I will also be trying to find a part time job for during the day.
    
 Tomorrow, I'll be getting on a plane and be off to start this new adventure. I'm still a little bit apprehensive, but I know God is going to do good things through this. I asked Him for a blessing - I can't wait to see the ways He challenges, grows, and teaches me over the next 12 weeks.

~Ophelia - Marie

 

 

(I will be posting on my blog while I'm away since I've stock piled several posts. :) )