A Different Answer From What I Wanted

12/19/15
    A story from a few years ago...

    I was working on something by myself and starting to get frustrated. It had been a long day and I knew it would be a while until I'd be able to get done. I prayed that someone would come and help me finish. Not long after that a friend of mine came by to drop something off.  Her family was coming to visit her within the hour, and she was excited about getting to see them. She noticed that I was busy, and asked if she could help for a bit, assuring me her family wouldn't be there for a little while yet.

   This couldn't be who God had sent to help me. I mean, she was obviously busy. . .

   After assuring her several times that I was 'almost done anyways' and that she should go enjoy her time, she left. It was then I realized something. God had answered my prayer, but I didn't accept it. She was "too busy" , this was "my job" and I could finish it "myself" - all these excuses I made to her, and to myself.

     I did end up finishing that project by myself, but I was reminded of something that day. God answers prayers often differently than I want Him to, and He isn't really interested in whether or not I think He picked the "right" person to help. 

      Have you ever done something like that? Prayed for something specifically, then scorned the very answer God sent? Too often we pray and when God sends an answer we're like, "Oh no, God sorry,  I don't think you understood what I was talking about. Here, let me explain that again."

      We have to willing to accept what He gives - and trust in the fact that though it sometimes isn't what we wanted or expected, He knows best.

      Little thoughts of today. :)

~Ophelia - Marie

  

Again and Again - I'll Ask You

Plane picture from my last journey to TX.

    Tomorrow I'm flying to Dallas TX for a dear friend's wedding. ^_^  It's still hard to grasp that I'm going...It won't feel quite real until I'm on the plane, haha.

Grace and I have been online friends for years, and this will be the second time I'll have been able to see her face to face. The last time was back in 2012 when I was 17, and I spent a week with her. 

   The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to ask God about the life choices I'm making. He's the Creator of time itself - He knows my life, and so I ask Him about it. Between it being a big financial choice - a plane ticket and a hotel room -  and a couple other reasons, I prayed and asked God to make it very clear if should go. Specifically, I asked God to help me have money over and above my regular paycheck.

      So I prayed about it.

     On December 13th, while sitting in a parking lot, about to go in to get my wheel changed on my car, I said, "Maybe it's best not to go." I remember gripping the steering wheel and looking out at the snow and feeling... torn.

    Those were words to hold back my emotions from simply making a decision. I was weighing options - wondering what was best. I'd been told several times that, "That's a lot of money to spend on a weekend away." And yes, I understand that, - buuut it's my friend's wedding...  And so I warred in my mind, and with others' opinions of my finances. That was the day I decided that without a clear answer, maybe I was supposed to stay home.

     When I got back from the car dealership, my mom - who knew nothing of my prayers - informed me that instead of Christmas presents, my grandparents were sending us money. It was such a direct answer to prayer, I couldn't contain my joy. God? You answered me that clearly?

     But it still wasn't enough to cover what I needed, so I prayed again that night... Because it's good to ask.

      The next day, December 14, I got a message on my FB Clay-Art page, asking if I'd be available to teach clay-figure making at a kids birthday party. *Laughs* It's then that I knew that I knew that I'd be going to the wedding. I was totally able to cover my flight expenses.

      I remember sitting on my bedroom floor, rocking back and forth and laughing and almost crying. Because how else do you explain this, but God's goodness to me? How could I find words for that overwhelming, flooring joy? God had answered me twice, one day after another. And if God had answered me financially, then I trusted that I'd be able to take a three day weekend off from work to travel. He answered that too.

      God isn't some genie in the sky who grants all our wishes. But I believe we'd more readily see His blessings if we prayed more... I wouldn't have seen God's blessings so deeply if I hadn't asked Him to provide for me - perhaps I would have still received the blessing, but I wouldn't have been so floored by His grace. Prayer reminds me to be grateful for His goodness to me. Prayer gives me conversation and connection with my God - a way to hear His voice. Prayer allows me to better see His guiding hand in every facet of life. He is so Good.

    Tomorrow I am flying out on a grand, short little adventure that God blessed me with. Saturday I get to see my friend enter joyfully into marriage. What a beautiful joy.

       Again and again - I'll ask You, God. I'll ask You, and I'll listen. I know You see better than I do.

Edit:

To God be the glory,

~ZA

When Your Car Isn't Red, And You Don't Understand The Prayer

At the end of May, my boyfriend rented a car and drove me to NJ for my 2 month mission's trip at The Boardwalk Chapel.

I remember being half awake, and looking out at the side mirror and thinking, “The car is red.” It was a random acknowledgment of color, like my brain usually likes to do – just an, 'oh, that's nice' type of reaction... But it triggered a memory...

Back in the Winter, my best friend, Faith, and I went to a conference at Calvin College on the Holy Spirit, Spiritual Gifts, and the power of prayer. It was very encouraging and helped me continue the learning process to pray boldly, with joy, to a Father-God who loves me. As we learned about different things, we'd often be told to break up into groups for prayer.

Usually when this would happen, I'd look around and go to the people I felt led to be with. Though I was in a room full of unfamiliar people, I went wherever my first instinct was. Sometimes Faith headed in my same direction and we ended up with the same people – sometimes we didn't... This time, I went up to two ladies about my grandmother's age, we sat together, they laid hands on me, and we prayed. It was a powerful time of prayer for some people and situations in my life, but with what seemed like one odd, unknown bit: One of the ladies asked, “Is your car red?”

I told her no, my car is not red.

She nodded, and explained she had a mental image of a red car...They went back to praying for about a minute, before she said again, “What color is your car?”

I told her,”My car is silver... My dad's vehicle is red, but it's a van.”

“I just really feel like I need to pray about a red car.”

So she prayed for my car. She prayed about this "red car". She prayed about my dad's red van. She prayed about safety on the road for me, my family, and that God would protect us.

It's always good to pray for protection, and I took that prayer as it seemed then – just another interesting part of that conference.

Triggered in my half-awake state by the color, I remembered that story and told it to Jimmy as we drove. He agreed that it was an interesting story, and we continued talking about prayer and such.

Several hours later, at about 9:30 at night as we drove down the highway, a vehicle drifted into our lane and side-swiped our red car, and we veered off to the side of the highway. The first thing I remember saying as we lurched to a stop was, “Thank God!”... We hadn't hit the guard rail. We hadn't been physically hurt – not even bruised by the seat belts... And suddenly, my recounting of the story from the afternoon came back, and I knew... This is what she had prayed about. We were safe in our red car. God had answered her faithful prayer, that none of us at the time understood.

The world would tell you that this was a coincidence. I would tell you that I saw God answering prayer that He had given us to pray. 

God speaks. He is not silent. He loves to remind us of how He watches over us, always... Even when we don't understand.

Blessings,

~ZA

He Listens To The "Littlest" Things

             Sometimes, God answers the littlest things... those prayers that I pray almost off-hand while I'm busy, and a bit stressed...

Like, "God, I need someone to pray for me right now."

Or, "God, I need a little joy today."

Or, "God, I could use someone to help me, please."

            I want to go visit a friend later this summer, and because I only spend 10% of my income, it's going to take a lot of saving to be able to buy a train or plane ticket... It may even mean not spending any money for a few months or so. This morning I was thinking and prayed (kinda offhand while doing dishes) that there might be a way I could earn a little extra money since I've got a gift I want to purchase today.

         The mail came about an hour ago... My sister handed me a letter. In it was a $15 gift card to Walmart from someone from church as a thank-you gift for my help with the little kids' class at church for a few months.

       For a moment I was just shocked... I'm still shocked. *Laughed and felt tears well up* Oh, but why am I so shocked? I've seen God provide for me before when I've prayed.

     A few weeks ago I was a bit stressed out at work - things were busy, and since I'm still new there I was having trouble feeling I was being as helpful as I should be... I was praying a little, and was sinking into slight overwhelmed... when I saw someone from Church. She was coming to visit a few of the Residents (I work as a nurse aid with elderly folks) and gave me a big hug and told me she'd pray the rest of the day would go smoothly. I felt such a sense of relief seeing her - I knew God had sent her to encourage me. 

           Ah, I'm a forgetful human being. I know God can answer my prayers, but I don't always... keep that in the forefront of my mind. Praise be to Him that He is paitent with me, and listens to everything I pray, even when it's an quick prayer in the midst of everything I'm feeling and doing. 

From this summer, August 7, 2013:

          "God showed me grace last night. It was 6:30-ish and like usual we were getting ready for the program - we don't have a youth group this week, and the Chapel looked so empty. So, I asked God to bring people in to watch the program... Even before the program started we had about 20 people sitting down waiting and they /stayed/! I hadn't really expected God to answer that prayer. It had been the kind of off-hand prayer that went something like, 'It'd be really nice if You would send people to be here.' *Grins* Aaah! I'm not sure why I'm always so surprised when He answers “little” prayers like that.

      After the program I went into the upstairs apartment to pray... and cry. God listens, and in a very real sense I felt He was reminding me that if He cares enough to answer my “little” prayers, then He can answer the others. It won't be in /my/ timing, but it'll be for His glory and the /best/ in my life and the lives of those I love."

    God answers again and again, showing me He listens to all my prayers, even when I forget about them. Even the prayers I've prayed for months - years - He never forgets. Even the prayers about needing a bit of encouragement, or needing help finding something -  He never brushes them aside as unimportant. He hears me - He will do what is best, and answer in His timing. 

God listens to my prayers.

The "big" prayers.

The "little" prayers.

God hears every one.

1 John 5:14-15

English Standard Version (ESV)

14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

*Happy laugh*

Oh, God is good.

~Ophelia - Marie

More Than I Thought To Ask For

          At the end of May I shared a post titled Because I Prayed For A Blessing , talking about my experience with answered prayer when asking God for the blessing of direction, and about my upcoming summer in Wildwood New Jersey at The Boardwalk Chapel. So much has happened since I made that post... Ha, and don't worry, I'm not under any illusion I can cram about 3 months of adventures into this post... I don't think I could do it well anyway... But I'm going to try my best and share some of what I did and how much I learned.

        Every day was an adventure and a new reminder of God's care. I got to spend every day singing,  praying as a group, and so many times laughing at the randomest things. Most importantly, I learned how to share my faith, and grew in my own... I made friends I'll never forget, and memories I hope to remember forever. (Here are some videos if you'd like to see them:  LifeHouse Skit , Sarah singing 'Blessed Redeemer' , 'Come Ye Sinners' , Wilfredo ad Josh Original Blues ,  One of the youth groups preforming 'Come Along' . )


         So let me tell you a little bit about where I was, and what I did.

        I was in Wildwood New Jersey - a place that runs pretty heavily around tourism, and has its fair share of people selling drugs, and or being drunk(Leastways during the summer). The boardwalk has a fair-like atmosphere with rides on the piers, games, junk food, and shops that sell random stuff. Right in the midst of it all is the Boardwalk Chapel, which, as we like to say, is the only free thing on the Boardwalk, haha.

   This was the 69^th summer for the Boardwalk Chapel. Every night Monday – Saturday we had programs from 8:00 to about 9:30 (depending if we started on time). Every program we sang, did a few skits, and visiting pastors would give 2 sermons about 15 minutes each. Some passerby would come and sit down, others would linger just outside, while others would hurry past, or even shout 'Hail satan' or other things into the Chapel.

     We didn't do the programs all alone either, that's for sure. Most weeks we had awesome youth groups from other states helping us; They did the programs on Thursdays so we could have the night off. They also would go out witnessing with us when we went out, though sometimes they wouldn't say much during the conversations. Ha, sometimes I felt so inadequate as I went out  witnessing with them -  me being the "staffer" and so assumingly knowing what I was doing when really I didn't feel that way. "Oh God give me strength."  

         There were 15 of us on staff who lived together (The pastor and two of his sons were also on staff, but they lived in their own home. We also had James who came on and off throughout the summer to help with work projects and repair the buildings.) – most of us were between the ages of 17 and 25, though we had house parents who were older and had 3 little boys ages 1 and a half, 4 and 6. We all lived in the Dunn house, which used to be a boarding house at one point and was donated to the ministry to house the staff. The guys lived on the first floor and the girls lived on the second floor – we had a living room but if we were hanging out in the house it was always in the kitchen. There's food there. ;)

      After the programs we either had seminars on worldview or apologetics, or went out witnessing. (Sometimes we did both if we had enough time.) We'd witness until about midnight then all head back to the Dunn house, have food together, and tell each-other about our conversations. It was always so encouraging to come back and discuss how it went and we'd often pray for the people we'd witnessed to as a group.

    I'll admit it, I've been mostly in a pretty much Christian bubble before this summer. And witnessing... well, witnessing can be interesting... I've talked to drunk people, heard more swear words than I ever have before, and spoken to people who admit that they don't have hope and say that there isn't any hope in this world at all... It's hard to talk to people who act like they're okay with how broken the world is – the ones who believe “the world just is as it is”, but if religion makes us happy then, “Well that's nice. You have fun with that.”

       It's also hard to talk to the people who are so sure they are good enough for God – that their goodness outweighs their bad so if there is a God He will let them in., 'cause,“Only really bad people go to hell.”

        It's hard 'cause in many ways it hurts to see how lost they are... To often hear how life is going for them, and all they see is the pointlessness of it all. Ah yes. That hurts my heart...

         On the other-hand it's amazing to see when people get it. When they're listening and asking questions, and obviously want  the tracts – even to the point of asking, “Are you giving those out?” (That question is so exciting to me. When they ask us if they can have them that usually means they're curious and they sometimes flip through it and ask more questions. ^_^ )

        We have joy – we live in a purposeless, hopeless, searching world and when they see that joy, they want to know where it comes from. One of the guys on staff, Seth, was really excited after a good conversation with some people – so excited he couldn't contain it. Someone walking by asked him if he was alright. He was like,“Yes! I just got done talking with someone about God!” The person said, “I know about God.”  and their group ended up talking to that guy for awhile... See, the world doesn't understand radical joy - it seems so foreign... even sometimes to those in the church.

         One time I was out with 2 other staffers and we talked to this woman and her 3 daughters who all said they were Christians. The mother asked us, “How did you get to be like this? How did you become so joyful in your faith?” So we told them about how living for Jesus should change the way we live – that we shouldn't be content to go through the motions, but that our faith should be evident in our everyday lives - that though we have hard times, that we seek to trust God in them and what a difference that has made in us.
       In every encounter with people we wanted to show others that when we speak and act that it's not going through the motions - we truly care about them as individuals made by God and want them to know Him too. That is what I pray we left with them - a renewed passion to seek God and a desire for faith that changes their lives.

           I want to thank all of you who supported me in going on this trip through prayers and financial support. It was such an amazing learning experience this summer. I got to learn more about music, other worldviews, and how to witness. It was so different from my limited experience with life, and I was so blessed by the friendships and learning that I've taken away from it. Thank you for your part in making this trip everything it was. 

          If you'd like to read a blog post about this summer by another young lady on staff you can click here: Link and read Susie's post on "Missing Missions-Siblings". She wrote it exactly right... 'cause yeah, I miss them too... It's been a few months since being home but there are still days when I wish to have just one more day to be with them. We were a family. We laughed and teased - we cried and talked about life and loss. We were silly. We sang. We prayed for each other. We took walks and talked about our homes, lives, learning experiences, and our thoughts on Christ and what He'd been teaching us. Two times that are very vivid in my memory is the time several of us gathered together listening/reading poetry, and the time where we sat on the front porch at past midnight talking about Heaven... Many times we went down to the beach early in the morning to watch the sunrise and sing hymns. We didn't have to be together as much as we were, but almost without fail even on our days off we'd spend the time hanging out. We genuinely wanted to be a part of each other's lives and learn more about each other. Living with those who put being "brothers and sisters in Christ" into action is... well, it's hard for me to put into words how uplifting it was...

       
      I never thought to ask God to put someone like Susie on staff to be my closest friend for the summer (and stay in contact with upon returning home). I never thought to ask Him to allow me to use and share my poetry this summer. I never thought to ask Him to give me opportunities to speak in front of people. I never thought to ask Him to help me learn more confidence in singing. I never thought to ask Him to change me this summer... but He did. 

      Know what I saw this summer? I saw reminders of God's care for us in the little things (like the time we didn't have a youth group and I prayed people would come in the Chapel to fill the emptiness and God answered).  I saw Christians, firm in their faith, coming together to share the gospel, care for each other, and serve their very best in the different aspects of the ministry. I saw others who have a love for the lost and were willing to spend the summer sharing God's word. Every day I saw the love and encouragement they shared with each other and to those we came in contact with.  I saw the body of Christ in action - His hands, His feet, His touch, His voice... He is in each of us and this summer was overflowing with examples of His power and grace. May God continue to bless His work in New Jersey and around the world.

~Ophelia - Marie

          If you'd like to find out more about the Chapel and how you could become involved, you can go to their website: http://boardwalkchapel.org/ or click any of the previous links to go to the Facebook page. 

Because I Prayed For A Blessing

     Now, I know I said that this blog wasn't for poetry, but bear with me, this is where I feel this story really begins.

 I Want A Blessing

 8:51 AM 10/18/2010 
 

I really want a blessing, whatever You may choose.

 I'm ready for a blessing, even if I have to loose.

I really want a blessing, whatever it may be.

I'm ready to grow, please put Your hand on me.

I really want a blessing, whatever I must do.

 I want to be better; help me grow in You.

I really want a blessing, whatever it will take.

I want to learn about You, and never to be fake.

I really want a blessing, whatever be the cost.

 I want to be like You, and give love to lost.

I'm not asking for pain or hardship, but still I want to grow.

Whatever it takes to get there, You'll give me grace to go.

    I was fifteen, and this was my prayer to God. My dad had recently said in one of his sermons that God has blessing for us, but often we don't ask Him for them. Not long after I prayed this prayer, my dad brought up the subject of me perhaps working at a camp for the summer.

    Let me tell you, ha, I was scared of the thought of leaving my family for the summer and going to a completely unfamiliar place. I'd never been away from my family for any longer than a week, and the times I had been away it was always with people I knew well. Besides me being nervous though, there wasn't much reason not to apply, so I filled out the paper work... for awhile, mentally, I didn't consider it actually happening. Imagine my surprise when I was asked to come work for the summer...


   By the time I left, I was sixteen and was assigned to work in the kitchen. I learned so much in that first summer at Grace Adventures. (Enough to probably write several blog posts on.) Many times I was forced from my comfort zone and had to step up and do things that I found hard. Those I worked with supported and encouraged me to let others see the real me... to have fun and laugh and, while doing my best, not always take everything I did so seriously. ;)

I went back again in 2012 and grew in other ways... patience was a big one... accepting that things weren't always going to work out the way I wanted them to was another. The ministry of Grace Adventures blessed my life so much... and it all started with the little innocent prayer of, "God, I want a blessing."

    Understand this - if you honestly tell God that you want to do things for Him, you'll be amazed at the doors He opens. Be careful what you pray for.

   In February of this year, as I began to try and figure out what I was going to do for the summer, I asked God for a blessing. I told Him I wanted a way to serve Him and be challenged, and if He'd open doors I would go through them - whether that meant a third summer at camp, or something totally new. A few days later my dad brought home an application to the Board Walk Chapel in New Jersey. (How does my dad end up doing these things - I don't know. o.O)

     Again, like the first time I got an answer to this kind of prayer, I was scared. 'God? You want me to try this?' I already knew the answer; I had prayed and He had responded. There was somewhere between a mix of awe of Him and doubts in myself as I said yes...

     In March I found out my application was accepted, and began raising support and planning for the trip. That was when I had to stop mentally thinking of it as a 'maybe' kind of thing, and throw myself into the fact that this was coming up and would be here fairly soon.

     Perhaps you're a little bit curious about what I'll actually be doing. Here are the goals of the chapel:

    It is the goal of this work to glorify God by proclaiming the Gospel so that people are brought to Christ and added to the church. Specific goals for this year:

• To train 25 people in the work of evangelism
• To distribute 10,000 tracts
• To distribute Bibles and Christian books
• To present the Gospel through personal contact to a least 2,000 people
• To have our home missionaries follow-up meaningful contacts

   So, I'll be learning to evangelize (there will be two weeks of training) and implementing what I learn. A Night On The Boards, is two articles that give a "brief look at what it is like to talk with people on the Wildwood Boardwalk". I will also be trying to find a part time job for during the day.
    
 Tomorrow, I'll be getting on a plane and be off to start this new adventure. I'm still a little bit apprehensive, but I know God is going to do good things through this. I asked Him for a blessing - I can't wait to see the ways He challenges, grows, and teaches me over the next 12 weeks.

~Ophelia - Marie

 

 

(I will be posting on my blog while I'm away since I've stock piled several posts. :) )

 

When God Winks At You

Picture From Devianart.

   I recently read the book, 'When God Winks At You' after seeing a  book review for it on the Into The Book  . (Go read it. ;) ) It got me to thinking about the own times I have received 'godwinks', and I decided to share with you two such stories.

   First of all, let's make sure you understand the concept of a 'godwink'.


   From the author of the book -

    Every time you receive what some call a coincidence or an answered prayer, it's a direct and personal message of reassurance from God to you - what I call a godwink. It's similar to when you were a kid sitting at the dining room table. You looked up and saw someone you loved looking back. Mom or Dad or Granddad. They gave you a little wink. You had a nice feeling from that small silent communication. What did it mean? Probably - "Hey kid... I'm thinking about you right this moment. I'm proud of you. Everything is going to be all right." That's what a godwink is. Every so-called coincidence or answered prayer is God's way of giving you His small, silent communication. A little wink saying - "Hey kid! I'm thinking of you... right now!"

   Now, for the stories I want to share -

   One night I was goofing about in Holy Worlds' chat room, chatting with various people, when I started to have this funny feeling. . . The thought kept popping in my head that I needed to get off and pray. . . I didn't know what I needed to pray about, but the feeling was persistent.

    After I told everyone I'd be back in about fifteen minutes, I closed my laptop and started praying. There I was, sitting in the dark, on my bed at about eleven o'clock at night, praying about anything that came to mind. When I felt I had prayed for what I needed to, I opened my laptop and went back into Holy Worlds. Almost as soon as I was there, I got a message from one of the girls, asking me to pray for her. She couldn't tell me what it was about, but she really needed prayer then.

   You know that feeling when you're so shocked you at first don't even know what to think? I felt that. I had just been praying for her, specifically, by name. How amazing is that? God isn't constrained by time. He told me to pray, even before I knew who I was praying for. *Smiles* I'll always remember this story, and what it means to my life - God's blessed reminder to me that He knows what I don't.


Second story -

   In 2012 I worked my second summer in the kitchen at Grace Adventures. One afternoon I was vacuuming the dinning hall and the vacuum's red light came on. Instead of sucking junk like it should have, it began to spit it out. My boss had left for a meeting, so I couldn't ask her to fix it, and I was starting to get frustrated at how far behind we were on some things. My only other option was our smaller sweeper vacuum, but that thing didn't pick up stuff well at all. The sensible thing to do? Pray. So I did. I prayed the vacuum would work until I finished the dinning hall. Once I turned it back on, the light was out and it started sucking dirt again. I don't know why I was so surprised that God answered my prayer; I know He always hears me. Sometimes though, it's easy to forget that He also listens to little things like, 'Oh God please let the vacuum keep working until I'm done,' not just the big life prayers.


   What about you? Do you have a story you'd like to share about when you received a wink from God? :D

~Ophelia - Marie