I Realize We're an Oddity to Some

"So when are you moving in with him?"

I've lost track now of how many times I've been asked this since I got engaged at the end of December.

 Jimmy and I have been dating long distance for the entirety of our relationship - he lives in PA, and I live in Michigan, and funny enough, we met via ChristianMingle. (But that's another story. ;) ) We Skype several times a week for hours on end, and he visits me once a month for a weekend. We've had two week-long visits together - once in the summer, and once in December. We miss each other, but we make it work. ^_^

All that to say - we're as "used to"  having a long distance relationship as one can get.

And still that question, "So when are are moving in with him?"

My response is: "After we get married in July."

 Well meaning follow up questions/statements from people include: "Don't you want to move in with him now?" - "It's nice to move in before getting married because it takes some getting used to." - "I lived with my fiance/boyfriend _____ before we got married."

 It's funny to me how backwards all this is, as well meaning as all these people are. Yes - I realize marriage won't be all easy-happy-fluff - I realize it takes work - but I don't need to start "getting used to" married life before I'm married. And yes - I want to live with him - that's why we're getting married... But I don't need a test few months of living together before the wedding to make sure I want to get married to this man.

God has things ordered in certain ways on purpose - I believe His ways are best for us. We're doing what God calls "good" - and it seems odd to a lot of people...

   Besides that - sometimes, the way we interact in public makes people comment.

   One time when we were out, Jimmy opened my car door for me to get in, like he always does. He shut the door, and a lady shouted over to him, catching him off guard. She wanted to know if his car door was stuck, because he had me get in first. He told her no, and she swore at him in an "approval" type of way, and told him that that was how to treat a lady.

Last time we were on a date, when the waitress brought the receipt for the dinner, he was gone in the restroom. The waitress had put the receipt upside down, instead of offering it to me. When I picked it up, she said in kind of an apologetic tone, "He didn't seem the type who'd want you to see the check. He seems like quite a gentleman." I laughed. "Oh yes - he won't let me pay for things. But I have a gift card, so we're going to use that."

 And then there's the times where I've been asked by people I know, "Is he religious too?" As if... it were a side thing, instead of the central part of a healthy relationship... Of course he's "religious" - if by that, you mean a growing Christian. Knowing Jesus is the center-point of who I am - I'm not going to marry someone who doesn't share that with me.

  The reality is - we're a bit of an oddity in the world's eyes, and people notice. It's a good kind of oddity - I pray we can be good examples of how to love, and follow God's timing, and be patient, and grow in Christ.

   The kind of example that speaks well of each other. The kind where he treats me kindly, and I respect him. The kind where we pray together, and attend church together. The kind where we manage our finances, and discuss our goals, and work together. The kind of people who live lives of strength in Christ.

That's the kind of example I pray we are, and will continue to be. :) God never promised life would be easy - He tells us there will be hardships - but I trust God knows the way. I'm excited to run through life with a man who will chase after Jesus with me.

To God be the Glory,

~ZA

Don't Accept Me As I Am - A Short Story

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           This is based as a continuation to the story: 

I didn't fall in love with you - I fell into infatuation

** A Short Story - Work of Fiction **

    I hear all the time, "Just accept me as I am! Take it or leave it!"

   Some applaud this sentiment. "That's right! You tell them! Be yourself!"

   But you didn't accept me as I was... I'm grateful for that.

   There was a time before you loved me, where all I wanted was for you to accept me. That was at the height of my infatuation - a time where everything seemed light - exciting - happy. It was a time where I felt like nothing ever would come between us.  I wanted to see the appreciation in your eyes. I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted you to love me.

   And in time... you did. 

   We grew into love as we grew into trust. It was hard sometimes - truly loving you... truly letting you love me... The more we grew in love, the more we saw each other as we truly were - two broken people. Two broken people who each brought along our own struggles and problems.

   I remember the first time you told me, "You're hurting yourself."

   It was true... but I'd fought this problem alone for so long. It had been years since anyone had confronted me on this. I had let it become a part of me - even when it sunk me into darkness. I didn't believe that it was something I could change. Not anymore.

   I remember the fear that plunged into my chest so hard I shook; the anger that warmed my cheeks. The way I screamed - "Why can't you just accept me as I am?"

   I wanted to be accepted. What I didn't understand was how much I needed to be loved.

   Love doesn't look the other way as someone drinks poison. Love doesn't nod in agreement as someone stumbles off a cliff. Love doesn't try to cover gaping wounds with a bit of makeup and pretend the blood isn't crusting beneath.  Love wraps around the person - despite it all... but doesn't hide from the problem. Love doesn't accept the problem as healthy.

   You - you loved me.

   You never accepted my poison as good for me. You didn't accept me as I was in that moment... but you loved me where I was. You loved me enough to show me I was tearing myself apart. You didn't leave me alone. You brought me to God.

    We learned of each other's broken parts - the ones that infatuation hid for awhile, but Trust dragged out into the light. The way I avoided conflict until I exploded. The way you let anger cloud your judgement... All the ways we could take each other for granted, or use our words as weapons, or let our insecurities pull us apart.  

     It was in those moments we learned how to run to God together. It was a painful learning. We were far from perfect. We were far from always having it figured out. Love, trust, vulnerability - it takes being open to grow those... and it takes honesty to keep them alight.

    So we learned to pray together - to take our hurts to His Throne and ask for forgiveness.  We learned to find comfort in The Word, and seek wisdom within its pages. We learned more and more how broken we are - but how much more Good and Faithful God is. We learned to grow closer to God in the midst of our brokenness... We didn't accept this was all we'd ever be.

    We didn't accept each other where we were - but we loved each other through every step.

     I never truly needed you to accept me. What I needed was to love and be loved. What I needed was to be reminded of the love God has for me - no matter what... I see that kind of love reflected in the way we love each other.

    You didn't accept me as I was... I'm grateful for that.

~Ophelia - Marie Flowers

*Author's note-

       Again - this is not a story of  my own  romantic relationship experience, but it is written as one who knows friendships... and as one who is trying to write how I feel when I think about this.

    I admit to cringing almost every time I see, "Accept me as I am! Take it or leave it!"

   I understand the sentiment. I do. But part of me still winces.

    No. Please. Don't accept me as I am.  Please - don't accept me as I am. I don't need you to accept me as I am. Love me where I'm at... but have the strength to show me how to grow... Don't accept that this is all I'll ever be. 

      Some of my dearest friends are the ones who love me - truly love me - enough to not accept me totally as I am. I'm broken too - like you - like everyone else in this world... I want to be accepted, but what I really need is to be loved enough by others to be told, "Hey... I don't think that was a wise choice." ... "I care about you - so I need tell you that I think you're hurting yourself this way." ... "I know something's wrong. How can I pray for you?"

     We need to be that type of friend to each other... We don't need to learn to accept each other's poisons. We need to learn to love each other in the midst of them.

      Love me enough to help me grow in Christ. Let me love you enough to do the same for you. Let's show each other the Love of the Father.

I didn't fall in love with you - I fell into infatuation - A Short Story

Original Picture From Pinterest

** A Short Story - Work of Fiction **

     They always ask me, “How did you fall in love?”

     That seems like a silly question... I've lived enough to realize I didn't fall in love. Maybe some people do, but we certainly didn't. No, I didn't fall in love with you.

     I fell into infatuation.

     It was born of admiration and idealistic notions, wrapped in the way you laughed and how, when you smiled, I wanted that smile to be at me. It was born of watching you speak, with confidence and compassion, and tangled with the way you calmly fixed problems. It was born of my longing for companionship, and yet peppered with my insecurities that said, “You're only maybe good enough for him.”

    Infatuation is a crazy creature. It knows it may not have a shot, but it's insanely curious. It reads into every teasing smile, every quick hug, every chance encounter. It hopes for lofty dreams of being totally loved and accepted, but doesn't much dwell on any hard work involved. Infatuation just.... imagines the best, with all the warm fuzzies. Infatuation, ah, it was full of colors and daydreams of tomorrows, even though I hardly knew you. All I knew was that I wanted to, no matter what it took.

    So I tried for your attention. You didn't at first take much notice... but I watched from a distance and tried a little harder. Finally you got the hint – it still makes me laugh as I remember the moment you finally understood I was interested. We talked awhile and then a little while more... for days, and then weeks. You made me laugh – I made you think. We talked about the world, God, and all our funny little wonderings. We opened up our hearts and began to be real...

    Then I fell out of infatuation... And grew into love.

    Loving you was harder... That first time we fought, I thought I'd mangled things beyond repair. I sobbed so hard I could hardly breathe. Part of me wanted to hide - that would be the easy way out. Part of me wanted to run away to a time before you... But I couldn't. It scared me... imagining life without you. And I realized, no matter how much it hurt, I was willing to fight for our friendship... There were difficult times, but I truly loved you in-spite of it... and I could see you loved me too.

     I apologized. You apologized... It really was a stupid little thing, knotted with misunderstandings. Hours of sorting out later, and we were once again friends. Just a little smarter.

     But that wasn't the only time we had a misunderstanding... And that wasn't the only time that loving you was painfully hard... I battled jealousy. I battled my fear of you leaving. I battled my fear of hurting you.... You had your own insecurities you brought.... Still, by God's grace we grew closer together. Loving you was hard, but it was so much better than infatuation.

     Love was born of knowing you – trusting you...

     It was born of sharing my deepest longings – then being shown what you were passionate about. It was born of tested promises, and wrapped with the long talks we had about life. Love was born of a dozen and a half times we apologized, and interwoven with the trust that grew. Love was born of being willing to sacrifice my time and my plans, and seeing you do the same for me. Love was born of aching under your sadness, and asking God to be your strength. Love was born of both joys and pains – growing stronger with every act of trust.

     I fell into infatuation, but I grew into love. That's what I tell people when they ask about falling in love.

Part 2 - Don't Accept Me As I Am

~Ophelia - Marie 

*Author's note - Admittedly, I've never been in a relationship - but I do know what it's like to be infatuated. And, in a friendship sense, I know what it's like to love - to struggle through the painful bits, and the misunderstandings, and yet only grow closer through it all... So, though this isn't a story I've experienced, I still feel qualified enough to write it. ;) I hope you enjoyed it... Maybe it made you think....

See - infatuation doesn't ask anything of you. Love does. Love takes work and self sacrifice. When you love someone, you are opening yourself up to the potential of getting hurt - they see you clear enough to know how to hurt you... When you love, you are agreeing, in a sense, to give up some of what you want, for their best, and to be there for them, no matter how you feel... But you do so because it's worth it... to know and and be known, to love and be loved... To love, in a pale reflection of the way God does. 

 Infatuation takes a moment's fancy - Love takes time and experience to grow.