Again and Again - I'll Ask You

Plane picture from my last journey to TX.

    Tomorrow I'm flying to Dallas TX for a dear friend's wedding. ^_^  It's still hard to grasp that I'm going...It won't feel quite real until I'm on the plane, haha.

Grace and I have been online friends for years, and this will be the second time I'll have been able to see her face to face. The last time was back in 2012 when I was 17, and I spent a week with her. 

   The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to ask God about the life choices I'm making. He's the Creator of time itself - He knows my life, and so I ask Him about it. Between it being a big financial choice - a plane ticket and a hotel room -  and a couple other reasons, I prayed and asked God to make it very clear if should go. Specifically, I asked God to help me have money over and above my regular paycheck.

      So I prayed about it.

     On December 13th, while sitting in a parking lot, about to go in to get my wheel changed on my car, I said, "Maybe it's best not to go." I remember gripping the steering wheel and looking out at the snow and feeling... torn.

    Those were words to hold back my emotions from simply making a decision. I was weighing options - wondering what was best. I'd been told several times that, "That's a lot of money to spend on a weekend away." And yes, I understand that, - buuut it's my friend's wedding...  And so I warred in my mind, and with others' opinions of my finances. That was the day I decided that without a clear answer, maybe I was supposed to stay home.

     When I got back from the car dealership, my mom - who knew nothing of my prayers - informed me that instead of Christmas presents, my grandparents were sending us money. It was such a direct answer to prayer, I couldn't contain my joy. God? You answered me that clearly?

     But it still wasn't enough to cover what I needed, so I prayed again that night... Because it's good to ask.

      The next day, December 14, I got a message on my FB Clay-Art page, asking if I'd be available to teach clay-figure making at a kids birthday party. *Laughs* It's then that I knew that I knew that I'd be going to the wedding. I was totally able to cover my flight expenses.

      I remember sitting on my bedroom floor, rocking back and forth and laughing and almost crying. Because how else do you explain this, but God's goodness to me? How could I find words for that overwhelming, flooring joy? God had answered me twice, one day after another. And if God had answered me financially, then I trusted that I'd be able to take a three day weekend off from work to travel. He answered that too.

      God isn't some genie in the sky who grants all our wishes. But I believe we'd more readily see His blessings if we prayed more... I wouldn't have seen God's blessings so deeply if I hadn't asked Him to provide for me - perhaps I would have still received the blessing, but I wouldn't have been so floored by His grace. Prayer reminds me to be grateful for His goodness to me. Prayer gives me conversation and connection with my God - a way to hear His voice. Prayer allows me to better see His guiding hand in every facet of life. He is so Good.

    Tomorrow I am flying out on a grand, short little adventure that God blessed me with. Saturday I get to see my friend enter joyfully into marriage. What a beautiful joy.

       Again and again - I'll ask You, God. I'll ask You, and I'll listen. I know You see better than I do.

Edit:

To God be the glory,

~ZA

Just Honest, Raw Joy

I had a rough week, emotionally. (The cry-so-hard-I-can-hardly-breathe and pretend-I'm-fine-to-most-people-when-I-really-feel-I'm-gonna-fall-apart kind of emotional...) But God kindly kept bringing reminders of His Love into my path through people around me... I don't know how to word the enormity of tonight, as simple as it is... I don't know why the Holy Spirit working always startles me so...

A friend messaged me asking for prayer for her stress, as this Christmas season is busy. So I recorded me praying, and sent it to her. And we talked a lot about the love of God, and how we love others. It was deep, and good, and though we talked nothing of my week, it helped heal some of that hurt.

Later, another friend messaged me back... I had asked how her Thanksgiving was... Somehow, God often has me message her when she needs a listening ear. And we talked, and I mostly listened - And I saw the beginnings of God answering the prayers of her heart.

Neither of them know how hard this week has been - or how I felt walled off in ways. God just said, "Here. Talk." and gave me people.

And then... as those conversations were over - God sent a third friend. She asked me, "How have you been?" God often sends her to me when I am overwhelmed in His goodness... She has been growing in so many ways this past year, and she has blessed me by sharing with me lessons she's learning... God makes me laugh at the perfect timing of sending her. I exploded joy to her of seeing God moving - and then she began to tell me how she's been seeing Him in her own life the past few weeks.

God is amazing - moving people separately so that each of us can speak life into each other, and see how God is moving in each of us...

Every time things like this happen, I'm knocked over with Joy - and I get to remember all over again, how much God is watching over my life, and the lives of those I love.

~ZA

When Your Car Isn't Red, And You Don't Understand The Prayer

At the end of May, my boyfriend rented a car and drove me to NJ for my 2 month mission's trip at The Boardwalk Chapel.

I remember being half awake, and looking out at the side mirror and thinking, “The car is red.” It was a random acknowledgment of color, like my brain usually likes to do – just an, 'oh, that's nice' type of reaction... But it triggered a memory...

Back in the Winter, my best friend, Faith, and I went to a conference at Calvin College on the Holy Spirit, Spiritual Gifts, and the power of prayer. It was very encouraging and helped me continue the learning process to pray boldly, with joy, to a Father-God who loves me. As we learned about different things, we'd often be told to break up into groups for prayer.

Usually when this would happen, I'd look around and go to the people I felt led to be with. Though I was in a room full of unfamiliar people, I went wherever my first instinct was. Sometimes Faith headed in my same direction and we ended up with the same people – sometimes we didn't... This time, I went up to two ladies about my grandmother's age, we sat together, they laid hands on me, and we prayed. It was a powerful time of prayer for some people and situations in my life, but with what seemed like one odd, unknown bit: One of the ladies asked, “Is your car red?”

I told her no, my car is not red.

She nodded, and explained she had a mental image of a red car...They went back to praying for about a minute, before she said again, “What color is your car?”

I told her,”My car is silver... My dad's vehicle is red, but it's a van.”

“I just really feel like I need to pray about a red car.”

So she prayed for my car. She prayed about this "red car". She prayed about my dad's red van. She prayed about safety on the road for me, my family, and that God would protect us.

It's always good to pray for protection, and I took that prayer as it seemed then – just another interesting part of that conference.

Triggered in my half-awake state by the color, I remembered that story and told it to Jimmy as we drove. He agreed that it was an interesting story, and we continued talking about prayer and such.

Several hours later, at about 9:30 at night as we drove down the highway, a vehicle drifted into our lane and side-swiped our red car, and we veered off to the side of the highway. The first thing I remember saying as we lurched to a stop was, “Thank God!”... We hadn't hit the guard rail. We hadn't been physically hurt – not even bruised by the seat belts... And suddenly, my recounting of the story from the afternoon came back, and I knew... This is what she had prayed about. We were safe in our red car. God had answered her faithful prayer, that none of us at the time understood.

The world would tell you that this was a coincidence. I would tell you that I saw God answering prayer that He had given us to pray. 

God speaks. He is not silent. He loves to remind us of how He watches over us, always... Even when we don't understand.

Blessings,

~ZA

Dear 21 Year Old

I'm 21 today - January 5, 2016... this is strange sort of letter I wrote to myself - from the outside, looking in...

 A letter to remind myself.

* * *

      Dear 21 year old... I keep looking at where you are today and smiling. You smile back in your wild sort of way - where your eyes scrunch, you show all your teeth, and you look as if you might start laughing. 20-year-old you - me - has lived her year... Now it's time to walk into a new one.

   Today's not where you dreamed to be - and yet I think you're fairly content with where you are.

      I know where you wanted to be... As a little girl, all you ever wanted to be was a mother someday. You never had another answer - even when the other little girls wanted to train horses, or be a doctor, or design clothes... Always your answer was, "I want to be a mama like mine someday."

      Even when you hid that answer with, "I don't know what I want to be" because some people didn't accept your answer - you still believed deep down that that's what you wanted to be.

        I still see that girl... dear little 21 year old, I see that little girl in you. But she's grown up a lot. She has not given up on that hope, but she no longer feels like she's waiting. She is not waiting for life to begin - she is living life as it comes. She has become a lover of people in different ways that fill her heart. She is content most days - and loud, and joyful - and some may even say a she's a little bit weird... but she's happy with that too. (Haha - Honestly I think she's rather comfortable with the term "weird".)

    She's looking at this next year and seeing the ways she can serve. She's ready to run into this new year... She's not so worried about the future she used to cling to - if she'll ever be married to someone who will be her best friend and leader, or have children to love, or if she'll get to homeschool those little ones. She's not so fearful about the future because she's trying to pray about the present... She's finally realized that God can and does mightily use her outside of her plans... She's finding His plans are more than she imagined - deeper, wider, better - more.

    I saw her the other day laughing... because she was marveling at the enormity of God. I saw her standing in the rain with her hands above her head. I saw her singing at the top of her lungs. I saw her fiercely hugging someone precious to her. I saw her loving the people she has in her life... I saw her feeling more alive than ever, because she's found herself wrapped closer to God.

     She's not perfect... and I've seen her struggle. I've seen her cry. I've seen her whisper, "It's too much. I'm afraid." I've seen her bend under weight she isn't meant to carry, and  I've seen her angry - though she doesn't let most people see it. I've seen her weary and discouraged. I've seen her lose sight of the basic truth - that God loves her immensely more than she can comprehend...

     And then again - I've seen God bring her through each part of that. I've seen God bring friends to tell her God's grace. I've seen God answer her seemingly littlest prayers because He cares; and I've seen Him answer prayers she never thought to hope for. I've seen God teach her about hope again and again. I've seen God send her blessings and hold her when she's cried. I've seen God remind her to run to Him in times of struggle - and given her words to remind others. I've seen God be faithful to her... and I know He'll continue to be.

      I see that little girl grown up... I see you little 21 year old...

      At fourteen years old, you wrote a letter to your 20 year old self, and tied it up with string. These were the last words of the letter:

As you go into this next year, I want you to ponder that question.

Are you living your Christian life to the fullest?

And what does that look like?

      To you - to me - to the person who's reading this right now -

      Don't be afraid to walk into this next year. I know there are uncertainties you don't know how to face but you are standing beside a God who keeps His promises - a God who swears by Himself because He is so great. 

Look at the way He Loves you. 

Pray, believing that He's a loving Father who wants to hear you.

Run with joy next to Him.
Sit in trust at His feet.

Dance in delight on the days He gives you that strength.

 Be a light that others see Jesus reflected in... 

and stop trying to do things in your own strength. 

Willing as a little child, grasp tight again to the nail scarred hands 

of your Father who knows the way. 

He will never let you go, and He wants you to remember 

He is with you - no mater where you are today... 

Dear little child of God - when you're trusting in the Almighty, the best is yet to come. 

~Ophelia - Marie Flowers

A Ramble About Hope

"HOPE: While the cynical souls of the world may see your bright optimism as a youthful naivete, you have come to understand that it is the hope of a better tomorrow that burns within you. You are passionate and idealistic. You understand that there is so much potential surrounding us, and we have only to tap into it in order to achieve great things. When others are burdened by the troubles of every day life, you transcend them and consider the beauty that the future brings. Your bright disposition infects everyone around you, as they too learn how to dream. As long as hope is alive within you, you will always be the very best that you can be!"

As I look at the answer to this silly little Buzzfeed quiz, I feel struck all over again by the word, "Hope".   

And so instead of reading, or playing with clay - or whatever else it is I want to do with this day off - I feel the urge to ramble about Hope... I'll get to the other stuff soon. ;)

 Hope, for me, is so tangled in the word "Trust". I believe there is Hope because God has awakened my heart to trust. I believe there is potential because I believe in a God that is bigger than our mistakes and weakness. I believe that the future is bright in some aspect or another because God is alive and active in this broken world. I believe God cares... That is why I see hope as such a beautiful thing.

Someone said to me the other day, "If we could understand fully, how much He does care, it would change *everything*."

Yes... I believe it truly would... There's not only hope for the future - there is hope now. God is here Now... He cares Now. Right where we are, no matter what we're facing - He cares, He loves, He sees. We have access to speak with Him - to be in His presence. To be in the arms of Hope.

I have been called naive...Perhaps in some ways I am. But I don't think having hope is naive when it's placed in the One who holds my life in His hands... To me, that seems to be the fullest form of good sense.

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand the worlds of others that don't see hope and beauty as starkly as I do. I know sadness, but even in writing, I'm still looking for the completion of hope. I feel the lack of hope at times - the sorrow, the darkness, the loneliness, the overwhelming sense that things in life are wrong and I can't heal them - I've been told I write it well. But I have the blessing of a, "the glass is half full" attitude... most days.

 I was sorting out those thoughts the other night as I talked with someone who thinks quite differently than I do. Who sees the dark spots as bigger than the light ones...  The weight of that feeling made me write.

Hey it's true -

I'm my own worst enemy,
Gathering the shadows no one else can see,
Tying up the knots so I can't get free,

Never really sure where I'm meant to be -
It's a mess I'm making,
But will You stay with me?

'Cause it's a battle in the dark
And I'm the only one here.
Am I alone here?
I can't see You here...
It's a battle in the dark
And nothing is clear.

Nothing is clear...

But I trust You are near...

Please,

Please show me You're near.

    I know the world is dark... I know there are pains greater than I can wrap my mind around - I know there is suffering and tears and bleakness and blackness that seeps down deep to the soul. I know there are nights of sobbing. Of sleeplessness. Of numbness. Of wondering if pushing on is worth it. I know there are days of fake smiles and tired eyes - of going through motions that everyone expects, but there seems no reason to care... I will not gloss over that fact, or say that that is "your choice" or that, "you could feel hopeful if you want to"... I know it's not that simple.... But I want you just take a moment to look at Hope with me. Even if you can't see it today, I'm praying you will in time... God loves you - you - more than you can fathom. He wants you to find hope in Him. You are His Beloved one.

Psalm 33:20-22

We wait in hope for the Lord;
    he is our help and our shield

In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
    even as we put our hope in you.

**

Matthew 6:25-26

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

**

1 John 4:9-10

9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

**

I come broken to be mended, I come wounded to be healed

I come desperate to be rescued, I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned by the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I'm welcomed with open arms,

Praise God, just as I am!!

**

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done.

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean.

A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling.

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.

And You've told me who I am.

I am Yours.

** 

Lord I come, I confess

Bowing here I find my rest

Without You I fall apart

You're the one that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh I need You

Every hour I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more

Where grace is found is where You are

And where You are Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Yes where You are Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh I need You

Every hour I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

**

I've written about hope before. It's one of those topics that tickles in my brain and demands to have voice.

          "Since I have hope in God's promises to me, that should change my outlook on life. Hope is a funny thing - it can drive us to do things we may never well have done otherwise. It may only be a spark, but hope can make all the difference. The difference between taking a chance, and shrinking back. The difference between sickening fear, and quiet trust. The difference between reaching for a dream, or letting it die. The difference between caring for someone, or giving up. The difference between taking time to find joy, or only dwelling on the worst.     
    Mmm... Hope... I write that word on my wrist fairly often...thinking about so many, many things in life. It can be hard to remember at times to look around and have hope. Hope isn't just a feeling though. Hope needs to be grounded in the right place, in the right person. Jesus - our Savior, Redeemer, Creator and Friend. He is always with us. We are safe in His arms. He is the reason I can hope."

I pray you are reminded of Hope today... Of your need for God. Oh how great our God is, and how much He truly loves you. He loves you enough that He died for you. He loves you enough that He LIVES in you.

He loves you that much.

May God bless you and keep you,

~Ophelia - Marie

Holy Distractions - A Guest Post

A guest post on the topic of struggling with thoughts of suicide, and the short film, "The Balcony" , that has a suicide prevention message.

Holy Distractions

~Aubrey Hansen~

As a married twenty-something looking back on my teen years, I will always remember growing up as feeling like the walls were caving in.

As a child, our fragile young minds are protected by walls of innocence.  There are things that we know exist in the world, but they do not affect us.  We may be able to see them through the windows, but they cannot touch us through the walls, and therefore, they are not a part of our world.

But as we grow up, slowly but surely the things on the outside of the walls seep into our lives.  First we hear about them affecting coworkers and friends of friends, and then they start affecting our close friends and family.  And suddenly we find that we cannot keep these things on the other side of the walls anymore; they are entangled in our lives, shaping the way we think.  It feels like the walls are crumbling around us, until one day these things touch us personally.  And then the walls fall down.

What lurks outside the walls varies from person to person.  For me, one of the scariest things outside the walls, and the one that finally ended my childhood, was suicide.

I knew suicide existed.  I knew why it happened, and had heard a few trite explanations of depression, but it wasn’t something I had ever dealt with personally.  I knew it was there, but it was outside the walls.

So when I wrote the first draft of my short film “The Balcony,” I wasn’t thinking about the importance of suicide prevention.  It was a story about a girl who planned to jump off the balcony in a concert hall and was interrupted by a lonely violinist coming in to practice, but the suicide was just an effective storyline for me.  My focus was on the music, as the flutist decides to accompany the violinist’s practice from the shadows, and the two begin to converse through the interplay of their instruments.  I was driven by the artistry of it all, and suicide was simply the most effective character motivation I could use to convey the emotion.  And so I labeled it as a sweet story I could probably one day sell, stashed the draft in the back of my files, and forgot about it.

And then the walls around my childhood started to crumble.

First I learned about a casual acquaintance struggling with depression, before mysteriously vanishing off the internet, leaving behind rumors that she had committed suicide.  Then my closer friends started to come forward and open up about their depression.  I watched as their struggles got deeper, and I felt like my ability to help was slipping out of my fingers.  The foundations of my childhood were shaking, and I grappled to keep my little world from toppling.  But when I turned around to look at my own life, I realized that the thing that had once lurked outside the walls had moved in.  I was depressed, and it was getting worse.

I lived in denial while things got progressively darker through 2013.  In the spring of 2014, the man who would later become my husband found me and encouraged me to come to terms with the things that were taking down my walls.  But as is often the case with depression, when you first try to throw off the chains that bind you, they tighten.  I kept holding on to the few things that made me forget the pain briefly, always believing that if I just fixed enough of my problems I could go back to that simpler time where my innocence gave me peace.

But no amount of dreaming could keep my childhood alive.  In May of 2014, alone on the highway and suffering from my worst depression and the screams of demons, I almost drove my car into a concrete median to end it.

But I didn’t.  Why?  Because a friend texted me.

Even though I don’t text and drive, I had my phone sitting out on the passenger seat where I could see it.  And that simple text notification was a distraction.  It was enough of a distraction for rational thought to break past the noise in my brain, enough distraction to make me realize I should call the friend who texted me and let her talk me through the rest of the drive, enough distraction to give me the opportunity to make the conscious choice that saved my life and started me on the path of healing.

And now, almost a year later, when my producer dragged “The Balcony” out of the archives and put it on my desk again, I can look back and realize there’s a second story to the film that I didn’t even know my heart was trying to write.

In the story, the flutist is distracted when the violinist turns the lights on over the stage and comes out to practice.  This distraction gives her enough pause to notice him and listen to his music instead of the noise in her head.  The distraction allowed the violinist to enter her world, and she made the conscious choice to reach inside of her and respond.  Just one moment of chance timing made for a distraction that opened the gateway to healing and encouragement for both of them.

I am not saying that we should constantly pester our depressed friends and family with text messages to make sure they are all right.  Not all distractions will change a life; many encounters are simply just that, brief distractions that quickly fade and do nothing to help us conquer the battle.  But I am saying that every positive connection we make with people opens up a door for God to work.  Every time we touch another person, we are opening a channel of communication with them.  And if you respond to all the connections you make with honesty and love, you never know when you may have been the open door that let a life-changing thought in.

I want to thank Ophelia for letting me talk on her blog and share about my short film “The Balcony.”  As I mentioned, my old producer Jordan Smith from Phantom Moose Films drug this script out of the closet and decided to produce it this spring.  This is monumental for me, not only to see one of my films make it into production far sooner than I ever could have hoped, but also because I can now use this film as a way to share my experiences with depression and suicide prevention with others.

Of course, producing a film is easier said than done, especially since the intimate nature of the music involves an original violin-flute duet that must be tailored to the movie, as well as two talented musicians to act it out.  For that reason, we’re running a Kickstarter through the end of March to raise the necessary funds for the music and high-quality cameras.  I’d be delighted if y’all could check it out.  Even if you can’t donate, please share the link--you never know when your Facebook post or Tweet might put the film in front of the right person.

After all, even the simplest connections between people can change the world.

~Aubrey Hansen

Lust - Times It Hits Us, And Ways To Combat It

       I went to a Retreat at a nearby church this weekend, and during Sunday School, the Pastor talked about lust. This is based off of that talk, using notes I took. 


       When does lust often hit us the hardest? Whether we admit it or not, we all struggle in this area to one degree or another. Some things make it harder...

      Lust often becomes a problem when I am:

                                                                        Lonely

Unsatisfied

                                                Selfish

                                                Tired

Lust often becomes a problem when I am: 

Lonely.

            Lonely doesn't necessarily mean "alone", though that can often be a problem for people as well. Lonely comes from feeling disconnected - feeling like you don't belong.
          No one cares. No one will care what I'm feeling, or looking at, or doing - this makes me feel less lonely, to do this. Maybe I can stop feeling alone. 
       

  Ah, friend. Those are lies from the devil, Satan. He wants you to feel lonely. He wants you to look in, instead of look out. He wants you to sin, and then he'll tell you - "You are right to feel lonely. Look what you did! No one really cares. If you told them, you would feel even more alone. They will judge you, and leave you. You've really messed up now." ..... And then the cycle repeats - you sin when you're in this lonely state, and then you feel more lonely because you're afraid to reach out.

          What can you do when lust hits you because you are lonely?

            1) Talk to God. He is your dearest friend. He loves you, and says, 'Never will I leave you, and never will I forsake you.' He says, 'I will uphold you. I will strengthen you and give you peace.' He says, 'I have loved you with an everlasting love. No one can take you from my Father's hand.' He says, 'As far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your sins from my sight.' ... So go to Him with your loneliness, and ask Him for His peace.

             2) Find someone to be accountable to. Get connected. We are not meant to walk this road of life alone. We need each other to pray, encourage each other in faith, and find ways to be involved.
               I have found in my own life that it's much harder to want to sin, when I know a friend is going to ask me how I've been doing in this specific area. Don't think you're the only one who struggles. Find someone who cares about how your spiritual walk with God is going, and ask them to keep you accountable. Check up with each other on a regular basis to pray, and see how you can be a blessing to one another.

Lust often becomes a problem when I am: 

Unsatisfied.

                Being satisfied can be hard. In a world that says, 'You can have it all!' it can often be difficult to respond with, 'No. This will bring me harm.'

               Unsatisfaction that leads to lust can come in many different forms... Maybe you're unsatisfied with your physical appearance. Maybe you're unsatisfied with your relationship status right now. Maybe you're unsatisfied with a partner you do have. Maybe you're unsatisfied with your accomplishments. Maybe... well, maybe you're unsatisfied with life in general.

            What is one way you can battle being unsatisfied? 

   

              "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4 - Great, great Psalm.)

          Delight yourself in God. Find your joy, your life, your strength, in His goodness. When we truly find delight in God, our own desires grow more and more to look like His. He wants us to be satisfied in Him. He wants us to open up our clenched hands that cling to the scraps of this broken world, so that He can fill them with blessings. He wants us to look to Him and say, "In You, I have found my satisfaction."

        *Thinks of this song* 

"Lost your way and you don't know how it happened

So much time you wasted chasing satisfaction

Seems like there's no where else to go -"

        Don't keep chasing satisfaction in anything else. It's not too late to turn back and run to God. He can fulfill your heart's desires, and give you satisfaction in Him.

Lust often becomes a problem when I am: 

Selfish.

             Lust doesn't care about the other person. Lust asks the question, 'What can I get out of this?' It never worries about the other person, or thinks about their well being. We aren't looking for the best of others when we lust - and I'm talking about people on the computer screen as well as people you interact with. Lust sees only itself.

             How can we combat the feelings of selfishness? One way we can do that is to serve. Stop whatever it is you are doing - thoughts and actions - and search for someone to serve. "But what if it's late at night, or no one is around?" Then maybe go sit down and write someone a letter. Go whip out your calendar and look at dates you could go help out at a church function. Go sit down and pray for those in your life... It's hard to keep focusing on your emotions and desires when you are looking for ways to be a blessing.

             Whatever it is you're in the midst of struggling with - Go. Don't stay in the moment where you are - move. Go to another room. Go to another location. Flee the temptation, and run to God. He will stand beside you. That doesn't mean you won't be tempted, or that you'll never fail again, but it is harder to wrap yourself in selfishness when you're looking to give to others, and looking up to God.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

              3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.
   

Lust often becomes a problem when I am: 

Tired.

           Tired can be because we are not getting enough sleep, or it can be Tired in the sense of being emotionally weary - either way, Satan can use our being tired against us. 

Pinterest

          I don't know about you, but I have trouble thinking straight at times, when I am tired. My thoughts wander all over the map in a span of mere seconds. Things that I'd normally be able to combat with Truth, seem to run circles in my head. I don't always process my emotions rationally.

       We can tell ourselves, "I'm too tired to keep trying. I'm too weary. It'll make me feel better." Or even on a subconscious level - "I want this."... It's sin, and as much as we wrestle with it, and against it, there is a broken part of our will that finds it attractive... And yet, the more and more we find our comfort, our delight, our blessing, and our rest in God, the more sin will look as it truly is - destructive. 

       An obvious way to combat sleepy-tired is to get sleep... For some of us, that's easier said than done though. Still, I would encourage you to take care of your physical body. Take a nap if you have to. Aim to go to bed half an hour or so early. Go to bed on time when you can. Sleep is important.

       It's harder to deal with weary-emotionally-tired... Besides prayer, some things that help me are reading through the Psalms, listening to encouraging music, praying/talking with a close friend, or writing about whatever is causing me to feel weary.

       Jesus says in Matthew 11:28  & 29, 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

        Go to God. Go to Him with your feelings of loneliness. Go to Him with your feelings of unsatisfaction. Go to Him with your selfishness. Go to Him with your tired body and heart. 

        God is our comfort. He is our delight. He is our encouragement to serve. He is our true rest. He can help us battle lust, and He has given us victory over sin, death, and the devil, through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Another battle I've lost fighting solo

How many times must I learn what I already know?

Can't do this on my own

I wasn't meant to fight alone

So I'm lifting my hands in surrender

Take my faults and my flaws, make me better

Cause this is where I end: right where You begin -

This is where I draw the line

This is the where the old me dies

Light a match, let it burn, kiss it goodbye,

Giving up what I was

This is where i draw the line

~Draw The Line, by Disciple

        This has by no-means been a comprehensive post, but I hope it has helped you think and been an encouragement to you.

        God bless,

~Ophelia - Marie