It Must Be You

Yesterday I felt too small.

When it came time for names to be called to go out witnessing, and I found myself praying, "God, please let me stay back and pray. God, please don't send me out."

But my name was called - and I went out, praying, "I don't feel I should go out, but You want me to, so I am." God blessed my team that one young lady about my age became a, "hopeful convert" as she prayed with us to accept Jesus. Only He knows now if she will go on to bear fruit - but we pray her heart was truly changed last night. Ah. God is good.

My head knows, "When I am weak, then He is strong." and my head knows, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  But my heart sometimes fights those words so hard. I find myself saying, "God, I know it is You who does the changing of hearts - but we have people on our team who are stronger evangelists than I am. I feel I am in the way. Please let me stay in."

Ah, but He smiles at me, and reminds me - I am sent anyways, because what my head knows is true - It's not about me being able: It's about Him acting.

What my heart needs to remember is - He uses me, despite me. God has given me a role here too. It may not be my gifting to share the Gospel in this manner, but God still calls me to witness. 

Today, my heart feels lighter, as my focus has been restored. I needed the reminder, "You do you. Don't worry about trying to present the Gospel in just the right way, or like anyone else. You present the Gospel as best as you're able, and let God do the rest."

I will Aspire to have Zeal, as I walk this life with my Lord:

I know He will carry me through.

" 'Cause I'm tongue tied, weak in the knees

Must be something You only see

If there's anything good

Anything that's good in me

Well, it must be You, oh

Must be You

And if there's any part of my shaking heart

To see this journey through

It must be You, oh, it must be You

It must be You, oh, it must be You"

~ZA

Learning to Ask

So... It's hard for me to accept money gifts - it's hard for me to accept people taking me out to eat, or spur of the moment saying they're going to buy me something I said I like, but don't want to spend the money on just yet. It's the attitude of, "I can do it myself." and God has been breaking me of it. Slowly... Because even the other night I told my nurse, "No thank you." when she offered to buy me a snack - and when she insisted, I replied as I should've, "Thank you very much." It was an act of appreciation. It was the last time I'll be working with her for the summer. It was an act of kindness. I'm relearning to respond with simple gratitude when people give to me. Because honestly - I love it. When I let go of my misguided attitude, I am filled with gratitude.(That didn't meant to rhyme, but it did, so there ya go...) I love when people show their care for me by giving - perhaps because I love giving spur of the moment gifts so much myself. Now why is this on my mind this morning? I almost didn't do a GoFundMe page. After praying about it, I even opened an account - but then I stopped. "God. I can do this myself," I remember praying... and to try to be in the right spirit, I added, "I'm willing to give up this much to do this ministry You called me to." I didn't feel at peace about that prayer... but I was stubborn. When I was at my best friend's house about a week later, she told me, "You should start a GoFundMe." I had to sigh and laugh and tell her that God and I had been talking about it... And so I would make one... and regularly share it. And try... I would trust Him with this. I'm thankful I did. I kept telling Him, "Whatever I raise is more than I thought I would." ... Sometimes I feel God must simply smile at me and go, "Watch Me." I've raised so much more than I thought I would. People who I hardly know - people I //don't// know - people who I wouldn't ever have expected to give to me - and people I love and know - have blessed me. Last night I almost cried. This morning too. It's an overwhelming sense of, "Wow.... Wow..." Thank you to each of you who have asked about my summer, encouraged me to show the love of God, prayed with me, promised to pray for me, or given to my fund. All of life is a mission field. My nursing home job - these trips - everyday life - are all opportunities to show people who Jesus is. I find that rather humbling - for all the times I haven't spoken, and in the way that God can use me as I am - and exciting - because there is so much good left to be done and God knows what He is doing. I trust that God is going to do beautiful things this summer. Pray that God would overwhelm us with a sense of His Love and Joy - so starkly in contrast, that the world won't be able to help but stop and wonder. In Christ, ~ZA

Dear 21 Year Old

I'm 21 today - January 5, 2016... this is strange sort of letter I wrote to myself - from the outside, looking in...

 A letter to remind myself.

* * *

      Dear 21 year old... I keep looking at where you are today and smiling. You smile back in your wild sort of way - where your eyes scrunch, you show all your teeth, and you look as if you might start laughing. 20-year-old you - me - has lived her year... Now it's time to walk into a new one.

   Today's not where you dreamed to be - and yet I think you're fairly content with where you are.

      I know where you wanted to be... As a little girl, all you ever wanted to be was a mother someday. You never had another answer - even when the other little girls wanted to train horses, or be a doctor, or design clothes... Always your answer was, "I want to be a mama like mine someday."

      Even when you hid that answer with, "I don't know what I want to be" because some people didn't accept your answer - you still believed deep down that that's what you wanted to be.

        I still see that girl... dear little 21 year old, I see that little girl in you. But she's grown up a lot. She has not given up on that hope, but she no longer feels like she's waiting. She is not waiting for life to begin - she is living life as it comes. She has become a lover of people in different ways that fill her heart. She is content most days - and loud, and joyful - and some may even say a she's a little bit weird... but she's happy with that too. (Haha - Honestly I think she's rather comfortable with the term "weird".)

    She's looking at this next year and seeing the ways she can serve. She's ready to run into this new year... She's not so worried about the future she used to cling to - if she'll ever be married to someone who will be her best friend and leader, or have children to love, or if she'll get to homeschool those little ones. She's not so fearful about the future because she's trying to pray about the present... She's finally realized that God can and does mightily use her outside of her plans... She's finding His plans are more than she imagined - deeper, wider, better - more.

    I saw her the other day laughing... because she was marveling at the enormity of God. I saw her standing in the rain with her hands above her head. I saw her singing at the top of her lungs. I saw her fiercely hugging someone precious to her. I saw her loving the people she has in her life... I saw her feeling more alive than ever, because she's found herself wrapped closer to God.

     She's not perfect... and I've seen her struggle. I've seen her cry. I've seen her whisper, "It's too much. I'm afraid." I've seen her bend under weight she isn't meant to carry, and  I've seen her angry - though she doesn't let most people see it. I've seen her weary and discouraged. I've seen her lose sight of the basic truth - that God loves her immensely more than she can comprehend...

     And then again - I've seen God bring her through each part of that. I've seen God bring friends to tell her God's grace. I've seen God answer her seemingly littlest prayers because He cares; and I've seen Him answer prayers she never thought to hope for. I've seen God teach her about hope again and again. I've seen God send her blessings and hold her when she's cried. I've seen God remind her to run to Him in times of struggle - and given her words to remind others. I've seen God be faithful to her... and I know He'll continue to be.

      I see that little girl grown up... I see you little 21 year old...

      At fourteen years old, you wrote a letter to your 20 year old self, and tied it up with string. These were the last words of the letter:

As you go into this next year, I want you to ponder that question.

Are you living your Christian life to the fullest?

And what does that look like?

      To you - to me - to the person who's reading this right now -

      Don't be afraid to walk into this next year. I know there are uncertainties you don't know how to face but you are standing beside a God who keeps His promises - a God who swears by Himself because He is so great. 

Look at the way He Loves you. 

Pray, believing that He's a loving Father who wants to hear you.

Run with joy next to Him.
Sit in trust at His feet.

Dance in delight on the days He gives you that strength.

 Be a light that others see Jesus reflected in... 

and stop trying to do things in your own strength. 

Willing as a little child, grasp tight again to the nail scarred hands 

of your Father who knows the way. 

He will never let you go, and He wants you to remember 

He is with you - no mater where you are today... 

Dear little child of God - when you're trusting in the Almighty, the best is yet to come. 

~Ophelia - Marie Flowers

Fitting In - A Ramble...

       

    This is one of my 'not totally thought out' type of posts. ;) But all these thoughts are bopping in my head, so here I go.

     Do you ever get the feeling that you're meant to fit in, but you're not totally sure where? Do you know what it feels like when you go away from somewhere, and when you come back enough has changed that you're not sure where you belong exactly? ... Even if that feeling is kinda absurd overkill? And... you know it?

    I went to Grace Adventures Camp this weekend to volunteer in the kitchen and hang out with people. I've worked at Grace Adventures in the past (Summers 2011 and 2012, four months each time) and it was an important blessing in my life as I was growing up. When telling about life changing events in my life, Camp inevitably comes up. There I learned a lot of confidence, job experience, and how to be a better leader. I've been away for over a year, but not much time can ever pass without me thinking fondly of Camp.

      Going back was an odd feeling - I know several people on staff, but there were many more unknown people than there were known ones. Some things were the same as they'd always been, and still other things had changed - several of the people I knew, teased and saw every day have moved to other states and are no longer around... I know how to serve and help out, and yet I had to watch again to try and be in sync with the new kitchen team.

      Over this weekend I was again reminded of a few attitudes that I have to strive against. One in particular... the "I don't fit in, and I don't know how to try" attitude. I did "fit in" and yet I had to fight the voice inside that kept telling me I didn't. 'Not any more.'

         I'm a person who longs to know my place. (Who doesn't?) Seriously, there's a part of me that says I'm not wanted when I enter a new group... when I'm not sure where I connect. I don't want to feel like I'm invading. And that's truly at times what I feel I am - an outside invader, trying to fit where I used to, but no longer have the right connections. I'm on the outside of the inside jokes - I'm the tagger-along in an all ready close group - I'm the random extra person. It's looking in, and knowing where I should fit -where I want to fit - , and exactly what I wish to accomplish, and fighting that little voice in my head that says... This is unfamiliar. You're not certain what you're doing. These people don't want you around. You should stop breaking into the conversation and be quiet and let them be with their friends. You shouldn't invite yourself to go along. You should stick with the people you know, and if they're not around, then go wait and don't bother anyone else.

      Annoying little voice. I don't know why I never seem to shake it.

      Oh, you probably wouldn't know it looking at me, that it's dancing in my head. You wouldn't know that I feel kinda awkward asking to come hang out with you, when we just met. You wouldn't probably have guessed that there was a time in the last few days when I felt I was talking to much and told myself I wouldn't speak up again until I was addressed (ha, that took like, maybe a minute before I was being asked questions again and chattered to.) . You wouldn't know, that  several times right before I get lost in the freedom of teasing and goofiness and sarcasm, I'm wondering if I'm being a pest. Why don't you know?

    Because I've learned to disregard it, usually. I've learned to try and outright go against it. I've learned to step out of my comfort zone. I've learned that my feelings are often not rational reflections of reality. I've learned that if I want to be with people, I should let it be known, not expect others to read my mind. I've learned to seize the moment and take joy at being with other believers.

    Life is much too short to wait around for opportunities to come to me. I can either wait on the sidelines, or I can jump in feet first. I can either be quiet until I'm comfortable, or I can let me be myself. Yeah, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I feel awkward.  But it's usually so worth it.

      This weekend was worth it.

      I spent so much time laughing and teasing. I went to the sand dunes and watched the fire works while listening to silly commentary of the other staff. I went along to the drive thru of McDonalds so I could talk to staff on the drive there, and then went on a "Kitchen Raid" back at camp at about midnight when the line for the McDonalds was too long. I went to Country Dairy and had ice cream, got licked by a cow, and got to spend time with some great people. I went to a camp fire out in the woods, sang songs, shared  a poem and discussed poetry/writing, talked about books, and got startled when someone jumped out of the dark woods while we were walking back with flashlights. I hung out in the staff lounge, joined conversations, exchanged writing with someone, and left a copy of a poem I wrote on the table for others to read.

     I know this weekend was good by especially how much it stung my heart to leave. Given time, I think I would've wanted to keep several of those people as new friends, (I'm not sure how well I'll be able to keep up with them now.) and while time was short, it was a joyful and enjoyable time. I had fun, made connections with people, and walked away feeling blessed.

     So to anyone who ever feels like me... Take a chance, strive to make connections and have fun, and... don't be afraid to be silly. ;) You may very well find that you had a much more encouraging time than you anticipated if you simply try.

    And to everyone on staff who hung out with me, thank you. Y'all were very welcoming, and I loved getting to know you, and appreciated that you took the time to ask questions and get to know me a bit better. I pray God blesses the rest of your time of ministry.

~Ophelia - Marie

More Than I Thought To Ask For

          At the end of May I shared a post titled Because I Prayed For A Blessing , talking about my experience with answered prayer when asking God for the blessing of direction, and about my upcoming summer in Wildwood New Jersey at The Boardwalk Chapel. So much has happened since I made that post... Ha, and don't worry, I'm not under any illusion I can cram about 3 months of adventures into this post... I don't think I could do it well anyway... But I'm going to try my best and share some of what I did and how much I learned.

        Every day was an adventure and a new reminder of God's care. I got to spend every day singing,  praying as a group, and so many times laughing at the randomest things. Most importantly, I learned how to share my faith, and grew in my own... I made friends I'll never forget, and memories I hope to remember forever. (Here are some videos if you'd like to see them:  LifeHouse Skit , Sarah singing 'Blessed Redeemer' , 'Come Ye Sinners' , Wilfredo ad Josh Original Blues ,  One of the youth groups preforming 'Come Along' . )


         So let me tell you a little bit about where I was, and what I did.

        I was in Wildwood New Jersey - a place that runs pretty heavily around tourism, and has its fair share of people selling drugs, and or being drunk(Leastways during the summer). The boardwalk has a fair-like atmosphere with rides on the piers, games, junk food, and shops that sell random stuff. Right in the midst of it all is the Boardwalk Chapel, which, as we like to say, is the only free thing on the Boardwalk, haha.

   This was the 69^th summer for the Boardwalk Chapel. Every night Monday – Saturday we had programs from 8:00 to about 9:30 (depending if we started on time). Every program we sang, did a few skits, and visiting pastors would give 2 sermons about 15 minutes each. Some passerby would come and sit down, others would linger just outside, while others would hurry past, or even shout 'Hail satan' or other things into the Chapel.

     We didn't do the programs all alone either, that's for sure. Most weeks we had awesome youth groups from other states helping us; They did the programs on Thursdays so we could have the night off. They also would go out witnessing with us when we went out, though sometimes they wouldn't say much during the conversations. Ha, sometimes I felt so inadequate as I went out  witnessing with them -  me being the "staffer" and so assumingly knowing what I was doing when really I didn't feel that way. "Oh God give me strength."  

         There were 15 of us on staff who lived together (The pastor and two of his sons were also on staff, but they lived in their own home. We also had James who came on and off throughout the summer to help with work projects and repair the buildings.) – most of us were between the ages of 17 and 25, though we had house parents who were older and had 3 little boys ages 1 and a half, 4 and 6. We all lived in the Dunn house, which used to be a boarding house at one point and was donated to the ministry to house the staff. The guys lived on the first floor and the girls lived on the second floor – we had a living room but if we were hanging out in the house it was always in the kitchen. There's food there. ;)

      After the programs we either had seminars on worldview or apologetics, or went out witnessing. (Sometimes we did both if we had enough time.) We'd witness until about midnight then all head back to the Dunn house, have food together, and tell each-other about our conversations. It was always so encouraging to come back and discuss how it went and we'd often pray for the people we'd witnessed to as a group.

    I'll admit it, I've been mostly in a pretty much Christian bubble before this summer. And witnessing... well, witnessing can be interesting... I've talked to drunk people, heard more swear words than I ever have before, and spoken to people who admit that they don't have hope and say that there isn't any hope in this world at all... It's hard to talk to people who act like they're okay with how broken the world is – the ones who believe “the world just is as it is”, but if religion makes us happy then, “Well that's nice. You have fun with that.”

       It's also hard to talk to the people who are so sure they are good enough for God – that their goodness outweighs their bad so if there is a God He will let them in., 'cause,“Only really bad people go to hell.”

        It's hard 'cause in many ways it hurts to see how lost they are... To often hear how life is going for them, and all they see is the pointlessness of it all. Ah yes. That hurts my heart...

         On the other-hand it's amazing to see when people get it. When they're listening and asking questions, and obviously want  the tracts – even to the point of asking, “Are you giving those out?” (That question is so exciting to me. When they ask us if they can have them that usually means they're curious and they sometimes flip through it and ask more questions. ^_^ )

        We have joy – we live in a purposeless, hopeless, searching world and when they see that joy, they want to know where it comes from. One of the guys on staff, Seth, was really excited after a good conversation with some people – so excited he couldn't contain it. Someone walking by asked him if he was alright. He was like,“Yes! I just got done talking with someone about God!” The person said, “I know about God.”  and their group ended up talking to that guy for awhile... See, the world doesn't understand radical joy - it seems so foreign... even sometimes to those in the church.

         One time I was out with 2 other staffers and we talked to this woman and her 3 daughters who all said they were Christians. The mother asked us, “How did you get to be like this? How did you become so joyful in your faith?” So we told them about how living for Jesus should change the way we live – that we shouldn't be content to go through the motions, but that our faith should be evident in our everyday lives - that though we have hard times, that we seek to trust God in them and what a difference that has made in us.
       In every encounter with people we wanted to show others that when we speak and act that it's not going through the motions - we truly care about them as individuals made by God and want them to know Him too. That is what I pray we left with them - a renewed passion to seek God and a desire for faith that changes their lives.

           I want to thank all of you who supported me in going on this trip through prayers and financial support. It was such an amazing learning experience this summer. I got to learn more about music, other worldviews, and how to witness. It was so different from my limited experience with life, and I was so blessed by the friendships and learning that I've taken away from it. Thank you for your part in making this trip everything it was. 

          If you'd like to read a blog post about this summer by another young lady on staff you can click here: Link and read Susie's post on "Missing Missions-Siblings". She wrote it exactly right... 'cause yeah, I miss them too... It's been a few months since being home but there are still days when I wish to have just one more day to be with them. We were a family. We laughed and teased - we cried and talked about life and loss. We were silly. We sang. We prayed for each other. We took walks and talked about our homes, lives, learning experiences, and our thoughts on Christ and what He'd been teaching us. Two times that are very vivid in my memory is the time several of us gathered together listening/reading poetry, and the time where we sat on the front porch at past midnight talking about Heaven... Many times we went down to the beach early in the morning to watch the sunrise and sing hymns. We didn't have to be together as much as we were, but almost without fail even on our days off we'd spend the time hanging out. We genuinely wanted to be a part of each other's lives and learn more about each other. Living with those who put being "brothers and sisters in Christ" into action is... well, it's hard for me to put into words how uplifting it was...

       
      I never thought to ask God to put someone like Susie on staff to be my closest friend for the summer (and stay in contact with upon returning home). I never thought to ask Him to allow me to use and share my poetry this summer. I never thought to ask Him to give me opportunities to speak in front of people. I never thought to ask Him to help me learn more confidence in singing. I never thought to ask Him to change me this summer... but He did. 

      Know what I saw this summer? I saw reminders of God's care for us in the little things (like the time we didn't have a youth group and I prayed people would come in the Chapel to fill the emptiness and God answered).  I saw Christians, firm in their faith, coming together to share the gospel, care for each other, and serve their very best in the different aspects of the ministry. I saw others who have a love for the lost and were willing to spend the summer sharing God's word. Every day I saw the love and encouragement they shared with each other and to those we came in contact with.  I saw the body of Christ in action - His hands, His feet, His touch, His voice... He is in each of us and this summer was overflowing with examples of His power and grace. May God continue to bless His work in New Jersey and around the world.

~Ophelia - Marie

          If you'd like to find out more about the Chapel and how you could become involved, you can go to their website: http://boardwalkchapel.org/ or click any of the previous links to go to the Facebook page. 

Striving To Write Honestly

 

September 30, 2012

    "Honestly, writing can be scary. It's frightening that someone can know glimpses of my heartstrings- to casually touch the fears that I don't often speak aloud.

    So I drop what I have and let it go, the wonder of knowing, and not letting it show. " -Excerpt from my free-writing doc.

 

    Once upon a time I didn't share my poetry. I could capture my thoughts and feelings through writing but the idea of sharing it... Uh, no. Sharing part of me was scary. . . Did anyone really need to see that me? The me who was wondering about the future, fighting the jealousy of sharing friends, struggling with pride, and losing my temper? The me that questioned what God was doing, that broke for friends' pain, that felt lonely and afraid? What if people read them and... rejected what I had to say?

 

    It took me awhile to be willing to share my writing, and even longer for me to start signing my name to what I shared. Thankfully God placed people in my life who were able to encourage me. Slowly I  began to lose the fear of letting others read my poems, even the ones that clearly showed the real me.

 

    God has taught me that He can use what I write, no matter how small it is. My poetry may at times not have the correct meter and my free verse may be strangely broken up (Kind people use the word “unique” and at times “unusual” ;) ) and the whole thing can be over-all rough, but God can use it to bless others. If I pour out my heart and don't worry about who is going to see it, or how it will be taken, I can write honestly.

 

    Poetry is something I write from my heart... I draw upon what I know from God's Word, as well as my experiences, conversations with others, and lessons learned. Often times that results in highly personal poems that clearly lay out how I'm feeling... or, at least what I'm thinking about. That can be scary – scary because if you read it you can see me.... Yet, there are very few poems I won't share publicly. I can list less than ten that I've shown only to a select few, and out of the over 300 I've written, there are none (besides random bits in my free writing doc I ended up not turning into full poems) that I have kept totally to myself.

 

    Why? Why do I share my poetry with people, often in its roughest forms?

 

 Because they mean something to me... and I hope that they mean something to others. It's always surprising to me when the poems that have the most of /me/ in them, are the ones others relate to the best. In other ways, it's not surprising at all. I'm not the only one who has felt far from God. I'm not the only one who sometimes feels alone and out of place. I'm not the only one who has struggled in friendships. I'm not the only one who worries. I'm not the only one who at times lies awake at night thinking about the past and future. I'm not the only one who wonders about pain, death, legacies, our Christian walk, or what love means... and because I'm not the only one, sometimes the things I say strike the hearts of others.

 

 I want to write honestly to share the lessons I've learned.

 I want to write honestly to be an encouragement.

 I want to write honestly to remind others they are not alone.
And for that, and other reasons, I strive to write with honesty.


To God be the glory.

 

 

~Ophelia - Marie

 

 

Because I Prayed For A Blessing

     Now, I know I said that this blog wasn't for poetry, but bear with me, this is where I feel this story really begins.

 I Want A Blessing

 8:51 AM 10/18/2010 
 

I really want a blessing, whatever You may choose.

 I'm ready for a blessing, even if I have to loose.

I really want a blessing, whatever it may be.

I'm ready to grow, please put Your hand on me.

I really want a blessing, whatever I must do.

 I want to be better; help me grow in You.

I really want a blessing, whatever it will take.

I want to learn about You, and never to be fake.

I really want a blessing, whatever be the cost.

 I want to be like You, and give love to lost.

I'm not asking for pain or hardship, but still I want to grow.

Whatever it takes to get there, You'll give me grace to go.

    I was fifteen, and this was my prayer to God. My dad had recently said in one of his sermons that God has blessing for us, but often we don't ask Him for them. Not long after I prayed this prayer, my dad brought up the subject of me perhaps working at a camp for the summer.

    Let me tell you, ha, I was scared of the thought of leaving my family for the summer and going to a completely unfamiliar place. I'd never been away from my family for any longer than a week, and the times I had been away it was always with people I knew well. Besides me being nervous though, there wasn't much reason not to apply, so I filled out the paper work... for awhile, mentally, I didn't consider it actually happening. Imagine my surprise when I was asked to come work for the summer...


   By the time I left, I was sixteen and was assigned to work in the kitchen. I learned so much in that first summer at Grace Adventures. (Enough to probably write several blog posts on.) Many times I was forced from my comfort zone and had to step up and do things that I found hard. Those I worked with supported and encouraged me to let others see the real me... to have fun and laugh and, while doing my best, not always take everything I did so seriously. ;)

I went back again in 2012 and grew in other ways... patience was a big one... accepting that things weren't always going to work out the way I wanted them to was another. The ministry of Grace Adventures blessed my life so much... and it all started with the little innocent prayer of, "God, I want a blessing."

    Understand this - if you honestly tell God that you want to do things for Him, you'll be amazed at the doors He opens. Be careful what you pray for.

   In February of this year, as I began to try and figure out what I was going to do for the summer, I asked God for a blessing. I told Him I wanted a way to serve Him and be challenged, and if He'd open doors I would go through them - whether that meant a third summer at camp, or something totally new. A few days later my dad brought home an application to the Board Walk Chapel in New Jersey. (How does my dad end up doing these things - I don't know. o.O)

     Again, like the first time I got an answer to this kind of prayer, I was scared. 'God? You want me to try this?' I already knew the answer; I had prayed and He had responded. There was somewhere between a mix of awe of Him and doubts in myself as I said yes...

     In March I found out my application was accepted, and began raising support and planning for the trip. That was when I had to stop mentally thinking of it as a 'maybe' kind of thing, and throw myself into the fact that this was coming up and would be here fairly soon.

     Perhaps you're a little bit curious about what I'll actually be doing. Here are the goals of the chapel:

    It is the goal of this work to glorify God by proclaiming the Gospel so that people are brought to Christ and added to the church. Specific goals for this year:

• To train 25 people in the work of evangelism
• To distribute 10,000 tracts
• To distribute Bibles and Christian books
• To present the Gospel through personal contact to a least 2,000 people
• To have our home missionaries follow-up meaningful contacts

   So, I'll be learning to evangelize (there will be two weeks of training) and implementing what I learn. A Night On The Boards, is two articles that give a "brief look at what it is like to talk with people on the Wildwood Boardwalk". I will also be trying to find a part time job for during the day.
    
 Tomorrow, I'll be getting on a plane and be off to start this new adventure. I'm still a little bit apprehensive, but I know God is going to do good things through this. I asked Him for a blessing - I can't wait to see the ways He challenges, grows, and teaches me over the next 12 weeks.

~Ophelia - Marie

 

 

(I will be posting on my blog while I'm away since I've stock piled several posts. :) )

 

Try New Things

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     I'm not athletic. In general, I have what my dad teasingly calls, 'The clumsy gene'. You're speaking to the person who doesn't like playing any games that involve balls, and who hardly ever dances, even with friends. Yup, my philosophy is that those type things aren't important to life, I'm not good at them, and I'd rather avoid them like the plague. I was the one in Vacation Bible School that went to the back of the line in kick ball, hoping that my team would get three outs before it came my turn to kick and who stayed where I wouldn't possibly need to touch the ball. I was the one at sleepovers who didn't join in in 'dance parties' with the others. And oooooh yes, I was very stubborn about it.

   Oh, I have the ability to do some of those things - kicking a ball is something I'm capable of - but a stubborn little bit of me still doesn't like it, and often doesn't even want to try. Why? Because I could end up embarrassing myself.

   Walk around the mall or the sand dunes dressed as a pirate?

   No problem.

    Jump around and dance in a group?

         Are you trying to kill me?

   You probably see the disconnect here.

   In life you are going to have to do things you don't like, or that make you uncomfortable whether you want to or not. My dad has said that to me many times. . . Speaking in public, playing group games, even seemingly little things like making an effort to talk to unfamiliar people my age, are all things I've had to do and often felt uncomfortable doing. *Whispers* And then I was glad I did them.

     I like to do things that are “safe” and that I'll probably be “good at” (or at least passably be able to do). I've found though, that it's good for me to do things I know I won't be good at, and be in situations that make my stomach flip-flop and mind ask, “What in the world was I thinking, trying this?!”

     Some things are hard for me to do just because I either think I won't be able to do the task well, or I am afraid of what others will think. But I shouldn't worry so much about messing up, or not having the right words, or what others may think; it's okay to make mistakes, it's good to laugh at myself, it can be fun to do things I might not be good at - and I'll never know until I try.

    Sometimes the hard part is having the guts to try. I know, I know the excuses - 'It'll be a waste of my time', 'I will look like a dork' , 'I don't really want to anyways' , 'I might mess up', 'I'll get in the way' , 'Someone else could do a better job'. There are a lot of excuses to get out of something you don't want to do so just stop.  Look at what you're saying, accept that part of what you say may be true, then try anyways. You'll build your confidence the more times you try, and be more likely to do something of that sort again.

   I've learned that when I try, often I am surprised at the results.

   I climbed to the top of a rock climbing tower.

   I went forward in front of our congregation and spoke about what I was thankful for on our Thanksgiving Eve service.

   I actually hit a ball with a bat and made it all around the bases over the course of the game and had fun doing it.

   And dancing, well, I still don't like it but hey, the world goes 'round. ;)

~Ophelia - Marie