Dear 21 Year Old

I'm 21 today - January 5, 2016... this is strange sort of letter I wrote to myself - from the outside, looking in...

 A letter to remind myself.

* * *

      Dear 21 year old... I keep looking at where you are today and smiling. You smile back in your wild sort of way - where your eyes scrunch, you show all your teeth, and you look as if you might start laughing. 20-year-old you - me - has lived her year... Now it's time to walk into a new one.

   Today's not where you dreamed to be - and yet I think you're fairly content with where you are.

      I know where you wanted to be... As a little girl, all you ever wanted to be was a mother someday. You never had another answer - even when the other little girls wanted to train horses, or be a doctor, or design clothes... Always your answer was, "I want to be a mama like mine someday."

      Even when you hid that answer with, "I don't know what I want to be" because some people didn't accept your answer - you still believed deep down that that's what you wanted to be.

        I still see that girl... dear little 21 year old, I see that little girl in you. But she's grown up a lot. She has not given up on that hope, but she no longer feels like she's waiting. She is not waiting for life to begin - she is living life as it comes. She has become a lover of people in different ways that fill her heart. She is content most days - and loud, and joyful - and some may even say a she's a little bit weird... but she's happy with that too. (Haha - Honestly I think she's rather comfortable with the term "weird".)

    She's looking at this next year and seeing the ways she can serve. She's ready to run into this new year... She's not so worried about the future she used to cling to - if she'll ever be married to someone who will be her best friend and leader, or have children to love, or if she'll get to homeschool those little ones. She's not so fearful about the future because she's trying to pray about the present... She's finally realized that God can and does mightily use her outside of her plans... She's finding His plans are more than she imagined - deeper, wider, better - more.

    I saw her the other day laughing... because she was marveling at the enormity of God. I saw her standing in the rain with her hands above her head. I saw her singing at the top of her lungs. I saw her fiercely hugging someone precious to her. I saw her loving the people she has in her life... I saw her feeling more alive than ever, because she's found herself wrapped closer to God.

     She's not perfect... and I've seen her struggle. I've seen her cry. I've seen her whisper, "It's too much. I'm afraid." I've seen her bend under weight she isn't meant to carry, and  I've seen her angry - though she doesn't let most people see it. I've seen her weary and discouraged. I've seen her lose sight of the basic truth - that God loves her immensely more than she can comprehend...

     And then again - I've seen God bring her through each part of that. I've seen God bring friends to tell her God's grace. I've seen God answer her seemingly littlest prayers because He cares; and I've seen Him answer prayers she never thought to hope for. I've seen God teach her about hope again and again. I've seen God send her blessings and hold her when she's cried. I've seen God remind her to run to Him in times of struggle - and given her words to remind others. I've seen God be faithful to her... and I know He'll continue to be.

      I see that little girl grown up... I see you little 21 year old...

      At fourteen years old, you wrote a letter to your 20 year old self, and tied it up with string. These were the last words of the letter:

As you go into this next year, I want you to ponder that question.

Are you living your Christian life to the fullest?

And what does that look like?

      To you - to me - to the person who's reading this right now -

      Don't be afraid to walk into this next year. I know there are uncertainties you don't know how to face but you are standing beside a God who keeps His promises - a God who swears by Himself because He is so great. 

Look at the way He Loves you. 

Pray, believing that He's a loving Father who wants to hear you.

Run with joy next to Him.
Sit in trust at His feet.

Dance in delight on the days He gives you that strength.

 Be a light that others see Jesus reflected in... 

and stop trying to do things in your own strength. 

Willing as a little child, grasp tight again to the nail scarred hands 

of your Father who knows the way. 

He will never let you go, and He wants you to remember 

He is with you - no mater where you are today... 

Dear little child of God - when you're trusting in the Almighty, the best is yet to come. 

~Ophelia - Marie Flowers

A Ramble About Hope

"HOPE: While the cynical souls of the world may see your bright optimism as a youthful naivete, you have come to understand that it is the hope of a better tomorrow that burns within you. You are passionate and idealistic. You understand that there is so much potential surrounding us, and we have only to tap into it in order to achieve great things. When others are burdened by the troubles of every day life, you transcend them and consider the beauty that the future brings. Your bright disposition infects everyone around you, as they too learn how to dream. As long as hope is alive within you, you will always be the very best that you can be!"

As I look at the answer to this silly little Buzzfeed quiz, I feel struck all over again by the word, "Hope".   

And so instead of reading, or playing with clay - or whatever else it is I want to do with this day off - I feel the urge to ramble about Hope... I'll get to the other stuff soon. ;)

 Hope, for me, is so tangled in the word "Trust". I believe there is Hope because God has awakened my heart to trust. I believe there is potential because I believe in a God that is bigger than our mistakes and weakness. I believe that the future is bright in some aspect or another because God is alive and active in this broken world. I believe God cares... That is why I see hope as such a beautiful thing.

Someone said to me the other day, "If we could understand fully, how much He does care, it would change *everything*."

Yes... I believe it truly would... There's not only hope for the future - there is hope now. God is here Now... He cares Now. Right where we are, no matter what we're facing - He cares, He loves, He sees. We have access to speak with Him - to be in His presence. To be in the arms of Hope.

I have been called naive...Perhaps in some ways I am. But I don't think having hope is naive when it's placed in the One who holds my life in His hands... To me, that seems to be the fullest form of good sense.

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand the worlds of others that don't see hope and beauty as starkly as I do. I know sadness, but even in writing, I'm still looking for the completion of hope. I feel the lack of hope at times - the sorrow, the darkness, the loneliness, the overwhelming sense that things in life are wrong and I can't heal them - I've been told I write it well. But I have the blessing of a, "the glass is half full" attitude... most days.

 I was sorting out those thoughts the other night as I talked with someone who thinks quite differently than I do. Who sees the dark spots as bigger than the light ones...  The weight of that feeling made me write.

Hey it's true -

I'm my own worst enemy,
Gathering the shadows no one else can see,
Tying up the knots so I can't get free,

Never really sure where I'm meant to be -
It's a mess I'm making,
But will You stay with me?

'Cause it's a battle in the dark
And I'm the only one here.
Am I alone here?
I can't see You here...
It's a battle in the dark
And nothing is clear.

Nothing is clear...

But I trust You are near...

Please,

Please show me You're near.

    I know the world is dark... I know there are pains greater than I can wrap my mind around - I know there is suffering and tears and bleakness and blackness that seeps down deep to the soul. I know there are nights of sobbing. Of sleeplessness. Of numbness. Of wondering if pushing on is worth it. I know there are days of fake smiles and tired eyes - of going through motions that everyone expects, but there seems no reason to care... I will not gloss over that fact, or say that that is "your choice" or that, "you could feel hopeful if you want to"... I know it's not that simple.... But I want you just take a moment to look at Hope with me. Even if you can't see it today, I'm praying you will in time... God loves you - you - more than you can fathom. He wants you to find hope in Him. You are His Beloved one.

Psalm 33:20-22

We wait in hope for the Lord;
    he is our help and our shield

In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
    even as we put our hope in you.

**

Matthew 6:25-26

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

**

1 John 4:9-10

9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

**

I come broken to be mended, I come wounded to be healed

I come desperate to be rescued, I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned by the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I'm welcomed with open arms,

Praise God, just as I am!!

**

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done.

Not because of what I've done

But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow.

A wave tossed in the ocean.

A vapor in the wind.

Still You hear me when I'm calling.

Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.

And You've told me who I am.

I am Yours.

** 

Lord I come, I confess

Bowing here I find my rest

Without You I fall apart

You're the one that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh I need You

Every hour I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more

Where grace is found is where You are

And where You are Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Yes where You are Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh I need You

Every hour I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

**

I've written about hope before. It's one of those topics that tickles in my brain and demands to have voice.

          "Since I have hope in God's promises to me, that should change my outlook on life. Hope is a funny thing - it can drive us to do things we may never well have done otherwise. It may only be a spark, but hope can make all the difference. The difference between taking a chance, and shrinking back. The difference between sickening fear, and quiet trust. The difference between reaching for a dream, or letting it die. The difference between caring for someone, or giving up. The difference between taking time to find joy, or only dwelling on the worst.     
    Mmm... Hope... I write that word on my wrist fairly often...thinking about so many, many things in life. It can be hard to remember at times to look around and have hope. Hope isn't just a feeling though. Hope needs to be grounded in the right place, in the right person. Jesus - our Savior, Redeemer, Creator and Friend. He is always with us. We are safe in His arms. He is the reason I can hope."

I pray you are reminded of Hope today... Of your need for God. Oh how great our God is, and how much He truly loves you. He loves you enough that He died for you. He loves you enough that He LIVES in you.

He loves you that much.

May God bless you and keep you,

~Ophelia - Marie

My 3 Cents - Recentered Identity, Relearned Lessons

    I'll never tell you this... But I still remember when I was maybe 11 or 12, and you said to my mother in front of me, "Don't you think those pants are getting too tight on her?" ... I remember being mortified... I've forgotten so many things from when I was young, but that I remember. 

    Do you know I hated buying jeans for years afterwards because I always wanted ones too big for me? That I only ever wanted to wear baggy jeans from then on out? I... never told anyone how that impacted me, or why I was so difficult to buy jeans for... 

   I know you didn't mean harm... But I'm sensitive, and it did hurt me.... confused me... I'd read about being modest... You reinforced that I needed to be modest, or people would confront me - and if tight jeans were bad, then baggy ones must be good. Somehow for many years, I planted the idea in my head that everything I wore needed to be big on me, or I was being immodest. My parents never told me that... But I believed that anyhow.

    Little by little though - especially from 16 - 18... I've become more comfortable with who I am... I realized that God cares more about my heart than my outward appearance - but He also doesn't find it a sin to enjoy fashion, so long as I'm being modest. 

     Late last night, do you know what I did? I went through my drawers and got rid of all the jeans that don't fit me... The ones that have never really fit me. They are a size or so too big. I have a few that do fit - and those are the ones I've been wearing now... And yet I've still held on to pairs that don't fit... Part of me has been saying, "Oh, I'll wear those again someday."

     No. I won't.... 'Cause ya know what? I'm not so worried now about what everyone thinks of me... Yes - I think I'll always be conscientious and want to be modest.... But it's okay to be fashionable, and like pretty things... It's okay that I want some days to wear bright contacts, and wash out blue hair. It's okay that I finally think of myself as pretty, instead of always comparing myself to others... It's okay that I'm comfortable as myself (most times) without worrying about everyone else's opinion...

    I finally feel I get that now.

      That memory is one I've been trying to shake for a long time. I hear it every time I buy jeans... About a week ago, for the first time in a long time, I went and bought myself a brand new pair of jeans. I heard that voice... and I ignored it. And I bought a pair that fits - not skinny jeans, or necessarily tight ones -  but ones in my size... And I felt very grown up and happy.

     It's odd... I didn't realize how much I was still letting a comment from years ago, still have a hold on me... It feels nice to try and let that go... I'm sensitive in some of the wrong places - I'm learning to grow away from my hurtful inner voice.

     In being modest, God does not call me to disparage the way He made me.... He doesn't call me to not accept compliments... He doesn't call me to compare myself to others and think, "Well, I'm more modest than them." Or - "I'm just not pretty."... We are not to be prideful - but He doesn't want us to put so much stock in our outward appearance, that we don't like ourselves... It's all so fleeting -  life is - outward appearance is. We worry too much. I worry too much.

      I know of two people who told me they've had similar experiences when I shared this last night on G+, just to ramble out my feelings... So to anyone who has felt the same... Ya know, you're not more holy if you dislike/hate your outward self... It's okay to dress in what makes you feel pretty, within reason. Be joyful, and bright, and happy with who God made you. He loves you wildly...

      *Laughs as I suddenly realize* When it all comes down to it - the point of this post isn't about skewed views of modesty, or really anything about jeans - it's about asking yourself - myself - 'Where do I find my identity?' ... For longer than I care to admit, I've had my identity in my outward appearance (which I didn't like), and who I am, in relation to family (the first born, and a pastor's daughter.)...

    But those things are not my identity - they are simply parts of me... My identity is: I am a precious, beloved, child of God - no matter what... God loves me - and He made me - His redeeming blood has made me clean... He didn't make a mistake. He wants me to find all of my joy and life and identity in who He is - the glorious, unchanging, perfect love that He is... He wants me to rest, and run, and Delight in His presence.

     On Sunday, a friend emailed me... This was the last paragraph:

        He loves you, Ophelia, more than you can ever know. And His desire for us all is to come to know that love more and more and to lose ourselves in love with Him. That is what Christianity is about: the love of God. I so often forget that and make it more about trying to be holy and live up to a set of expectations I am no longer required to keep. When I do that, I live in religion and become a Pharisee. God is not interested in law-keeping for the sake of performance but in a love relationship with Him, where we walk with Him. To really walk with Him is to pursue Him and leave behind that which takes our hearts from Him. In fixing our eyes on Who He is and who He has declared us to be, we come alive in our identity as sons and daughters and we walk out of sin and shame because they belong to the old dead man. For there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ. For behold, if anyone is in Christ, she is a new creation. The old IS gone. The new HAS come. For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God through faith. And if a son, then an heir. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, by Whom we cry "Abba, Daddy!" 

  

      And this, really - is the lesson I'm learning again. To take less stock in myself in general - and  to see myself truly through the eyes of my Abba.

    ~Ophelia - Marie

Fitting In - A Ramble...

       

    This is one of my 'not totally thought out' type of posts. ;) But all these thoughts are bopping in my head, so here I go.

     Do you ever get the feeling that you're meant to fit in, but you're not totally sure where? Do you know what it feels like when you go away from somewhere, and when you come back enough has changed that you're not sure where you belong exactly? ... Even if that feeling is kinda absurd overkill? And... you know it?

    I went to Grace Adventures Camp this weekend to volunteer in the kitchen and hang out with people. I've worked at Grace Adventures in the past (Summers 2011 and 2012, four months each time) and it was an important blessing in my life as I was growing up. When telling about life changing events in my life, Camp inevitably comes up. There I learned a lot of confidence, job experience, and how to be a better leader. I've been away for over a year, but not much time can ever pass without me thinking fondly of Camp.

      Going back was an odd feeling - I know several people on staff, but there were many more unknown people than there were known ones. Some things were the same as they'd always been, and still other things had changed - several of the people I knew, teased and saw every day have moved to other states and are no longer around... I know how to serve and help out, and yet I had to watch again to try and be in sync with the new kitchen team.

      Over this weekend I was again reminded of a few attitudes that I have to strive against. One in particular... the "I don't fit in, and I don't know how to try" attitude. I did "fit in" and yet I had to fight the voice inside that kept telling me I didn't. 'Not any more.'

         I'm a person who longs to know my place. (Who doesn't?) Seriously, there's a part of me that says I'm not wanted when I enter a new group... when I'm not sure where I connect. I don't want to feel like I'm invading. And that's truly at times what I feel I am - an outside invader, trying to fit where I used to, but no longer have the right connections. I'm on the outside of the inside jokes - I'm the tagger-along in an all ready close group - I'm the random extra person. It's looking in, and knowing where I should fit -where I want to fit - , and exactly what I wish to accomplish, and fighting that little voice in my head that says... This is unfamiliar. You're not certain what you're doing. These people don't want you around. You should stop breaking into the conversation and be quiet and let them be with their friends. You shouldn't invite yourself to go along. You should stick with the people you know, and if they're not around, then go wait and don't bother anyone else.

      Annoying little voice. I don't know why I never seem to shake it.

      Oh, you probably wouldn't know it looking at me, that it's dancing in my head. You wouldn't know that I feel kinda awkward asking to come hang out with you, when we just met. You wouldn't probably have guessed that there was a time in the last few days when I felt I was talking to much and told myself I wouldn't speak up again until I was addressed (ha, that took like, maybe a minute before I was being asked questions again and chattered to.) . You wouldn't know, that  several times right before I get lost in the freedom of teasing and goofiness and sarcasm, I'm wondering if I'm being a pest. Why don't you know?

    Because I've learned to disregard it, usually. I've learned to try and outright go against it. I've learned to step out of my comfort zone. I've learned that my feelings are often not rational reflections of reality. I've learned that if I want to be with people, I should let it be known, not expect others to read my mind. I've learned to seize the moment and take joy at being with other believers.

    Life is much too short to wait around for opportunities to come to me. I can either wait on the sidelines, or I can jump in feet first. I can either be quiet until I'm comfortable, or I can let me be myself. Yeah, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I feel awkward.  But it's usually so worth it.

      This weekend was worth it.

      I spent so much time laughing and teasing. I went to the sand dunes and watched the fire works while listening to silly commentary of the other staff. I went along to the drive thru of McDonalds so I could talk to staff on the drive there, and then went on a "Kitchen Raid" back at camp at about midnight when the line for the McDonalds was too long. I went to Country Dairy and had ice cream, got licked by a cow, and got to spend time with some great people. I went to a camp fire out in the woods, sang songs, shared  a poem and discussed poetry/writing, talked about books, and got startled when someone jumped out of the dark woods while we were walking back with flashlights. I hung out in the staff lounge, joined conversations, exchanged writing with someone, and left a copy of a poem I wrote on the table for others to read.

     I know this weekend was good by especially how much it stung my heart to leave. Given time, I think I would've wanted to keep several of those people as new friends, (I'm not sure how well I'll be able to keep up with them now.) and while time was short, it was a joyful and enjoyable time. I had fun, made connections with people, and walked away feeling blessed.

     So to anyone who ever feels like me... Take a chance, strive to make connections and have fun, and... don't be afraid to be silly. ;) You may very well find that you had a much more encouraging time than you anticipated if you simply try.

    And to everyone on staff who hung out with me, thank you. Y'all were very welcoming, and I loved getting to know you, and appreciated that you took the time to ask questions and get to know me a bit better. I pray God blesses the rest of your time of ministry.

~Ophelia - Marie

Self Abuse Awareness Day

Today, March 1st, is Self Harm Awareness Day.

Self harm isn't only cutting -

bruising, hair pulling, burning, picking, starving and mental abuse 

are all other forms that self abuse can take.

There are others.

I'll be honest - I don't know much what to say here... but I believe this is a very important topic so I'm posting about it. 

Please watch this video...

Self Harm Awareness Day

When She Cries

   Self harm isn't always obvious. Those who are hurting are around us, and we may not even realize it... 

They can be good at hiding it - they may smile and laugh on the outside, but the pain is still something they deal with every day... Mmm, and they may feel completely alone in their struggle.

  What can you do to help?  If you know someone who self harms, you can be a friend. You can show you truly care. You can make a difference. You are not the difference between life and death for someone - God is - but you can be used by God to remind them there is hope. There is hope, and there are those who care about them.

And whether or not you know someone who self harms, you can always pray.

 Pray with compassion. Pray for God's outpouring of strength, peace, and hope.

Pray for God's deliverance in their life.

He can do amazing things.

Hero

There is a difference between Sympathy and Empathy.

"If you have ever self harmed in any way (self harm includes but is not limited to, cutting, bruising, hair pulling, burning, picking, starving or mental abuse) write 'Fighter' in your arm/wrist.
If you haven't write 'Keep Fighting' on your arm/wrist to show that you care and want to help."

I care.

If you struggle with self harm, I want you to know that you're not alone.

You are loved by God.

You are a precious masterpiece that He designed.

Today, I'm praying for everyone who reads this post, and for the many others who are struggling with this.

I'm praying for you.

Keep fighting.

God knows your name. No matter where you are right now, there is hope for you.

~Ophelia - Marie 

Striving To Write Honestly

 

September 30, 2012

    "Honestly, writing can be scary. It's frightening that someone can know glimpses of my heartstrings- to casually touch the fears that I don't often speak aloud.

    So I drop what I have and let it go, the wonder of knowing, and not letting it show. " -Excerpt from my free-writing doc.

 

    Once upon a time I didn't share my poetry. I could capture my thoughts and feelings through writing but the idea of sharing it... Uh, no. Sharing part of me was scary. . . Did anyone really need to see that me? The me who was wondering about the future, fighting the jealousy of sharing friends, struggling with pride, and losing my temper? The me that questioned what God was doing, that broke for friends' pain, that felt lonely and afraid? What if people read them and... rejected what I had to say?

 

    It took me awhile to be willing to share my writing, and even longer for me to start signing my name to what I shared. Thankfully God placed people in my life who were able to encourage me. Slowly I  began to lose the fear of letting others read my poems, even the ones that clearly showed the real me.

 

    God has taught me that He can use what I write, no matter how small it is. My poetry may at times not have the correct meter and my free verse may be strangely broken up (Kind people use the word “unique” and at times “unusual” ;) ) and the whole thing can be over-all rough, but God can use it to bless others. If I pour out my heart and don't worry about who is going to see it, or how it will be taken, I can write honestly.

 

    Poetry is something I write from my heart... I draw upon what I know from God's Word, as well as my experiences, conversations with others, and lessons learned. Often times that results in highly personal poems that clearly lay out how I'm feeling... or, at least what I'm thinking about. That can be scary – scary because if you read it you can see me.... Yet, there are very few poems I won't share publicly. I can list less than ten that I've shown only to a select few, and out of the over 300 I've written, there are none (besides random bits in my free writing doc I ended up not turning into full poems) that I have kept totally to myself.

 

    Why? Why do I share my poetry with people, often in its roughest forms?

 

 Because they mean something to me... and I hope that they mean something to others. It's always surprising to me when the poems that have the most of /me/ in them, are the ones others relate to the best. In other ways, it's not surprising at all. I'm not the only one who has felt far from God. I'm not the only one who sometimes feels alone and out of place. I'm not the only one who has struggled in friendships. I'm not the only one who worries. I'm not the only one who at times lies awake at night thinking about the past and future. I'm not the only one who wonders about pain, death, legacies, our Christian walk, or what love means... and because I'm not the only one, sometimes the things I say strike the hearts of others.

 

 I want to write honestly to share the lessons I've learned.

 I want to write honestly to be an encouragement.

 I want to write honestly to remind others they are not alone.
And for that, and other reasons, I strive to write with honesty.


To God be the glory.

 

 

~Ophelia - Marie

 

 

Don't Belittle Your Gifts

  

    I wrote briefly on this topic in my post 'You are Fearfully And Wonderfully Made' but I want to try and better expound on it. Why? Because this seems to be something I talk about with people a lot.

    Let's start out with some questions:

    What is something you enjoy doing? You know, when you do something and you feel a sense of accomplishment when you finished? What do you love to do, and would do even if no one else thought it was worthwhile?

    Now, what do you feel you have a talent for? What do you consider yourself good at? Some of you are probably scrambling about looking for something to put in this category. Take a moment and look back at the first question. Is something you're good at, the same as something you enjoy?

 

"Oh, I enjoy it, but I'm not very good at it."

   I've heard these words too many times from people's mouths, including my own. Why do you suppose we do this?  Why do we say we enjoy something, but often not let ourselves consider we may also be good at it? Why do we often hide our gifts, or belittle them? If you love something, it's hard to step out and face possible rejection by sharing it... at times it can seem better to belittle our gifts so if someone should dismiss them, maybe it won't hurt so bad if we act like we don't care... We think maybe we should skip even the possibility of rejection and never show others the things we dream about...

But fear shouldn't keep us from shining a light with the gifts God gives us.

   Now, you may truly not be good at something, even if you enjoy it, but here's a pretty good way to find out: Has anyone told you that you were good at something? If you've been told once by someone you trust - depending who it is, you can go by that. If you've been told several times by different people - you'd better start paying attention to their words. :)

     Let me tell you something honestly. My singing... my fantasy writing... those are things I tear down about myself more than I'd care to admit. Sometimes when I'm really frustrated, others hear about it too. I've been blessed with some great friends who don't let me badmouth myself too much... but, like most people on the planet, I have days that I wonder about my abilities.

       I can sing fine, I know that, but there are many others who sing so much better... why should I do things like sing solos in church, or write songs? I don't play any instruments. I couldn't tell you if someone is singing flat or how to change keys. I don't even know how to read sheet music yet...

      I can write fantasy and I love my story, but there are so many who write better... Why should I continue to write this one more story with an orphan girl who finds dragon eggs? Why should I let anyone see my blundering through as I discover seemingly simple things?  I don't have oodles of ideas and worlds and wonders waiting to be written. Besides very random short stories I don't write any other story besides the one I've worked on forever...

     These are things I enjoy doing, but I can easily slip into downplaying them - not in humility, but in outright tearing down of the gifts God has given me to enjoy. I look at these things some days and go, "Why?" Why try? Why not let someone else do these things since they can do it better? Why me?

    Ah. But this is the wrong mindset. It's not about me. God gave me gifts in these areas and He wants me to bring Him glory through them. These gifts don't look exactly like everyone else's. There are people who are better than me, but I can keep improving. My focus needs not to be on me - what everyone thinks of my writing, of my singing, of the things I do. My focus needs to be on God - what He wants, what joy He gets from my service, what ways I can bring Him glory.

   There are, in all likelyhood, always going to be people better than you at something, but don't let that be your focus. Keep your eyes on God. When we serve God with all we've got, He is honored. Serve those around you - both those in the church, and outside of the church. It doesn't have to be something huge and seen by all to be a blessing to others. Give of your time and help in whatever situation God has seen fit to put you in. Love to do what you do because God gave you the ability to shine His glory in that way.

  

Colossians 3:23-24

²³ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,    ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Romans 12:3-8

 

³ For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. ⁴ For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, ⁵ so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. ⁶ We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; ⁸ if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,  do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

 

 

1 Peter 4:10 - 11

 

¹⁰ Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. ¹¹ If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

~Ophelia - Marie

 

You Are Fearfully And Wonderfully Made

"I am as my creator made me, and since He is satisfied, so am I."  Minne Smith

"You are special."

 

"You are awesome."

 

"You have certain gifts and talents God gave you to use for His glory."

"There is no one on this planet quite like you."

You've probably heard at least some of this before but how far do you accept it?

After all:

You have struggles. You have fears. You have failed at many things. You have feelings of inadequacy at times. There are millions of people on the planet, and you are just another one. . . .

But guess what? You are human, and we all have struggled with this in one form or another. It's the voice of our enemy, Satan, whispering:

"You'll never match up to the standard."

"You'll never make a difference."

"You're never going to make it."
"You might as well give up."

"You aren't good enough."

 

                                                Listen, God made you.

 

You, reading this right now.

He created you and calls you fearfully and wonderfully made.

He made you just the way you are.

Your quirks, personality, looks, and all the little details that make up you, He planned out.

Dreams, hopes, questions, fears: He knew you'd have them.

Your good days and bad days: they all were written in His book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:14-16

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
 

     We are fallen, and each have areas in our life that we need to work on. By the grace of God, those who believe on Him are being sanctified to be more and more be like Him. If you don't think you have "arrived" in your life, that is a good thing - everyone has something to learn and has struggles they need to work through. . . Yet, don't use that as an excuse to belittle yourself - a specially designed creation of God.    

       We each have something to offer God. Your gifts and talents were given to you to use for His glory, in whatever sphere of influence He has placed you. Some days you may feel you're not in a position where you can make a difference, but listen to me, God can use you. Be open to His prompting, be willing to do whatever He asks, love those who it's hard to even get along with, be a witness in the little ways you treat those around you.

       Read Jeremiah 1:4-10 and Judges 6 - God uses the young and those who feel unqualified. He understands our weakness, but He tells us to go in the strength that He gives us.

       Your gifts are not, not, not worthless or unnecessary. God calls you to use them, bring Him glory through them, and enjoy them.  Don't belittle your gifts EVER. Instead remember that they are all to God's glory, and He has a purpose for giving them to you. Love to do what you are good at, work at becoming better in the areas you can improve, and share what you do with others.

 Since God made you, you are as He planned. True, you have work to do in your life, we all do, but as of right now I'm telling you to remember God never makes mistakes. . . He's got more plans for you than you can imagine, and

He knows how all of this is going to turn out. 

So take a deep breath -

And trust Him.

He won't let you down.


~Ophelia - Marie

 

 

Here are three blog posts that I'd recommend:

 Perspective, By Rachel Coker
 Beautiful?, By Calista Beth.
Dear Low Self-Esteem , By Kaitlyn/Airianna

And, while I've still got you here - these songs are always really encouraging to me:



 

"You're worth it, you can't earn it.
Yeah the Cross has proven
That you're sacred and blameless,
Your life has purpose -

You are more than flesh and bone,
Can't you see you're something beautiful?
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe!
He wants you to see, He wants you to see!
That you're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known.
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you
Are someone worth dying for." -Someone Worth Dying For