I've been eighteen since January fifth and since that time I've decided on what I think is one of the biggest downfalls of growing up:
The changing of friendships.
My friends are busier now and trying to schedule time to see each other is a task in and of itself. One of my friends is going off to a mission school for a year in another state, a few others are starting to talk about college, and another friend had to go away for a month unexpectedly. There have been a few times when I cried selfish tears of 'but what about me?' , with ungrounded thoughts of them forgetting me, or never seeing me. Sure, I am so proud of them as I see their love for God, and their passion to follow after where they feel Him leading, but the fearful side of me still plays on my doubts. Let's face it - I didn't want things to change.
God challenged my thinking with a continuous thought that wouldn't go away.
'They aren't yours, Ophelia.' He seemed to be saying. 'They are Mine'.
'But You gave them to me!' I protested, playing over and over the memories we had created together. Our laughing. . . inside jokes. . . questions we had. . . times we prayed for each other with tears. . . how we said we'd always be close. . . Quieter now, 'You gave them to me. . '
'And now I have other plans for them.'
After a time filled with prayer (and I admit, some more crying) it finally began to set in. They are God's -not mine. When He placed them in my life, He knew just how they'd effect me, cause me to grow, and fill my heart with joy and sometimes pain. He is right now directing us to where we need to be in our young lives and I've gotta face the fact that my friendships with each of these special people is going to look different.
And that's okay.
Change isn't always bad. It's just. . . different. That difference doesn't mean loss of my friendships, it means stepping back a bit as God leads each of us. Yeah, I know I'll miss them, but hey, Love isn't selfish. Since I love them, I'm going to pray for God's best for them - even if it means He moves some of them far away. I'm excited to watch what God is going to do in the coming months and years. I trust Him. My friends aren't mine - they belong to Him, and He loves them so much more than I do.
~Ophelia - Marie