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Dark Mirror Souls
6/18/14
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You
find me crouched beneath the Willow tree with my knees pulled tight
to my chest. Without a word you lower yourself to the ground a few
feet away, your eyes never meeting mine as you search the horizon.
Calm – you always seem so calm... almost happy even. Heh,
but I know that's a lie.
I
clench the side of my tongue with my teeth, letting the pain press
back the need to cry. It's not hard enough to draw blood, just hard
enough to distract myself a little... It's not nearly enough...My
sides still sting from where I raked my fingernails down them in a
vicious attempt to dull the weight building in my gut. The marks are
there – pronounced and red against my pale skin, but safely hidden
beneath my shirt. I deserve them.
“I
promised I'd never forget.” The words come out with a strangled
choking sound. I hunch my shoulders inward as another wave of grief
and bitterness hits me. The memories slash through my mind with
images – both good and bad. The good ones are almost the worst,
'cause I know they'll never be that happy again. No, never that
happy, and yet, the thought of forgetting seems more painful –
terrifying - than remembering.
Your fingers clench and relax, clench and relax. You don't meet my eyes as
you sigh, your voice resignedly weary. “Yes, but that doesn't mean
you have to relive your memories over and over until they slowly kill
you.”
“Yeah,
and what would you have me do?” I let out a pained laugh, willing
you to look up and face me. “What? Be like you and simply pretend
it never happened? Act like things are fine and stuff all the
emotions away?”
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It's a unfair blow. You snap straight, but don't look over. “Would
you rather I be like you? Sobbing about what you can't change?” A
deathly calm tone steals over your words. “It was nice while it
lasted – a real blessing – but I can't get it back. Never.
Memories are knifes – either you hold them by the handle, or you
hold them by the blade. The handle serves its purpose – it'll keep
my hands from getting bloody.” Your body begins to tremble slightly
as you whisper, “I can't fix what happened; shutting down is the
only way I know how to survive any more.”
Survive?
There used to be a time when we thrived. A time where we laughed and
dreamed and told stories. But that was then – now is just raw
regret. Regret that slides through my mind and mocks me with all I
should have done. Too late now.
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My
screams are sharp and wild as another wave of emotional pain tears at
my insides. Your placid gaze remains trained on the distance, but the
trembling is getting worse. I double over with the colored memories
driving behind my eyes, blurring my vision. You sway back and forth,
hissing under your breath, “It's okay. It doesn't matter any more.
It's for the best. I don't mind. It'll get better. I just don't want
to talk about it. It's okay. Okay. Okay.”
Memories
implode. Oh, the times I was told it'd all be okay. Lies. I lunge at
you, shrieking, “It's not okay!”
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You
grab me by the wrists and finally meet my eyes. Blue eyes, perfect
duplicates , filled with unshed tears – filled with the terror of
loss. Our reflections blink at each other, before dissolving
together.
For
a moment, I stop breathing... for a moment, I pant as my heart pounds
against my ribs...
In
the silence, I know....I've been talking to both sides of myself. The
side that relives the pain over and over, and the side that acts like
everything's okay... Both are poisoned and dying... I don't know what
part of me will make it past this... or if anything will.
I
sob.
~Ophelia - Marie
PLOT TWIST!!!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't expecting that!
(o.O Mirriam commented on my blog. ^_^)
Delete*Amused, pleased hum* That was another friend's reaction when she read this.
I didn't originally start writing this as a person talking to two sides of themselves - that's probably part of why it seems so surprising. :D Worked out nicely though.
Thank you for reading my short story, Mirriam, and commenting! <3
Ooooo so intriguing!! Thanks for sharing!! I need to read more of your work!
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and replying, Kimberly. :D So glad ya liked it!
Delete