Dark Mirror Souls - Short Story

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Dark Mirror Souls 

6/18/14

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You find me crouched beneath the Willow tree with my knees pulled tight to my chest. Without a word you lower yourself to the ground a few feet away, your eyes never meeting mine as you search the horizon. Calm – you always seem so calm... almost happy even. Heh, but I know that's a lie.

I clench the side of my tongue with my teeth, letting the pain press back the need to cry. It's not hard enough to draw blood, just hard enough to distract myself a little... It's not nearly enough...My sides still sting from where I raked my fingernails down them in a vicious attempt to dull the weight building in my gut. The marks are there – pronounced and red against my pale skin, but safely hidden beneath my shirt. I deserve them.

       “I promised I'd never forget.” The words come out with a strangled choking sound. I hunch my shoulders inward as another wave of grief and bitterness hits me. The memories slash through my mind with images – both good and bad. The good ones are almost the worst, 'cause I know they'll never be that happy again. No, never that happy, and yet, the thought of forgetting seems more painful – terrifying - than remembering.

        Your fingers clench and relax, clench and relax. You don't meet my eyes as you sigh, your voice resignedly weary. “Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to relive your memories over and over until they slowly kill you.”

    “Yeah, and what would you have me do?” I let out a pained laugh, willing you to look up and face me. “What? Be like you and simply pretend it never happened? Act like things are fine and stuff all the emotions away?”

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It's a unfair blow. You snap straight, but don't look over. “Would you rather I be like you? Sobbing about what you can't change?” A deathly calm tone steals over your words. “It was nice while it lasted – a real blessing – but I can't get it back. Never. Memories are knifes – either you hold them by the handle, or you hold them by the blade. The handle serves its purpose – it'll keep my hands from getting bloody.” Your body begins to tremble slightly as you whisper, “I can't fix what happened; shutting down is the only way I know how to survive any more.”

          Survive? There used to be a time when we thrived. A time where we laughed and dreamed and told stories. But that was then – now is just raw regret. Regret that slides through my mind and mocks me with all I should have done. Too late now.

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       My screams are sharp and wild as another wave of emotional pain tears at my insides. Your placid gaze remains trained on the distance, but the trembling is getting worse. I double over with the colored memories driving behind my eyes, blurring my vision. You sway back and forth, hissing under your breath, “It's okay. It doesn't matter any more. It's for the best. I don't mind. It'll get better. I just don't want to talk about it. It's okay. Okay. Okay.”

      Memories implode. Oh, the times I was told it'd all be okay. Lies. I lunge at you, shrieking, “It's not okay!”

 

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     You grab me by the wrists and finally meet my eyes. Blue eyes, perfect duplicates , filled with unshed tears – filled with the terror of loss. Our reflections blink at each other, before dissolving together.

      For a moment, I stop breathing... for a moment, I pant as my heart pounds against my ribs...

      In the silence, I know....I've been talking to both sides of myself. The side that relives the pain over and over, and the side that acts like everything's okay... Both are poisoned and dying... I don't know what part of me will make it past this... or if anything will.

I sob.

Owl City - 'Wolf Bite'

~Ophelia - Marie

Laugh At Yourself - Stacks Of Cups, Fuzzy Socks, And Flights of Stairs



(Picture by me, feel free to use it if you want.)

     How good are you at laughing at yourself? Ya know, when you do something stupid, and everyone just saw you, how do you handle that?

    Once, while working at Grace Adventures camp, I knocked over thirty plastic cups all over the floor in the dinning hall. CRASH! There was a guest group that had just finished having a meeting in the annex, and they came over and started helping me pick them up. I felt so embarrassed by the whole thing, but it was funny. I mean, picture me on my hands and knees, picking up cups, when about twelve or so college age students walk over and  get down on the floor with me to help. They all seemed to think it was pretty funny. After thanking them, and showing where to put the cups (now they had to all be washed. *rolls eyes* ) I went into the kitchen and laughingly shared the story with a few of my co-workers.

     Ha, there was also that time when I was out to lunch with two of my friends and while smelling the bottle of spices (hey, it was an odd spice, and I didn't know what it was, and I was curious), I spilled it on myself. ;) And because I had my camera as always, they took my picture and teased me about it for a good long time afterwards... (Yes, by posting this I am potentially reminding them...)

     Yeah, those were kinda embarrassing, but no harm done. The point I'm trying to make is, look at it from the other person's perspective, and laugh. I've heard the saying that life is more fun when you don't take yourself so seriously. That seems to be true. We all are going to do stupid little things in life, and often people are going
to be watching. If it really is a stupid little thing, then laugh! The people around you may be holding back laughing after you made a scene, but go ahead and give them permission to laugh. Face it, often what you just did is funny - messy perhaps, or clumsy on your part, but funny - and ya might as well let it go. This is coming from the person who used to fall down the entire flight of stairs (about 12 steps ) several times every winter until I stopped wearing fuzzy, over-sized socks. (Or as I called them, 'death socks'. When you go down the stairs at the speed I sometimes do, they are not a good choice.)

     Do ya know part of why those embarrassing moments are funny to people? Because most of them could happen to anyone, and we all know it. So shrug and move on when you stumble over half the things you were saying to someone. Laugh when you do those small embarrassing things in life. And know what else? Go ahead, go do something silly just to be that way sometimes. *Grins* I don't have this down yet at all, haha, but I've found life is a lot more fun this way.  ;)

Goofing around for the fun of it. ;)

~Ophelia - Marie