Yesterday I felt too small.
When it came time for names to be called to go out witnessing, and I found myself praying, "God, please let me stay back and pray. God, please don't send me out."
But my name was called - and I went out, praying, "I don't feel I should go out, but You want me to, so I am." God blessed my team that one young lady about my age became a, "hopeful convert" as she prayed with us to accept Jesus. Only He knows now if she will go on to bear fruit - but we pray her heart was truly changed last night. Ah. God is good.
My head knows, "When I am weak, then He is strong." and my head knows, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." But my heart sometimes fights those words so hard. I find myself saying, "God, I know it is You who does the changing of hearts - but we have people on our team who are stronger evangelists than I am. I feel I am in the way. Please let me stay in."
Ah, but He smiles at me, and reminds me - I am sent anyways, because what my head knows is true - It's not about me being able: It's about Him acting.
What my heart needs to remember is - He uses me, despite me. God has given me a role here too. It may not be my gifting to share the Gospel in this manner, but God still calls me to witness.
Today, my heart feels lighter, as my focus has been restored. I needed the reminder, "You do you. Don't worry about trying to present the Gospel in just the right way, or like anyone else. You present the Gospel as best as you're able, and let God do the rest."
I will Aspire to have Zeal, as I walk this life with my Lord:
I know He will carry me through.
" 'Cause I'm tongue tied, weak in the knees
Must be something You only see
If there's anything good
Anything that's good in me
Well, it must be You, oh
Must be You
And if there's any part of my shaking heart
To see this journey through
It must be You, oh, it must be You
It must be You, oh, it must be You"
~ZA